It seems that for some time now, I have been holding my breath. I’m not sure what I was thinking. Perhaps in my mind I thought I would do that and time would stand still. Maybe I was thinking I could preserve some of what I had in my life if I just held my breath long enough. But, long enough for what? I’m not completely sure. The closest thing I can relate this to is when I was a small boy, I used to think that old people were trying to poison me. So, whenever I passed old people on the street or in shops in town, I would hold my breath until they were well past me. Sometimes this was rather difficult if I came upon a large group of them – but somehow I managed not to pass out! And so lately, it has seemed like that again. Like I had been holding my breath. Waiting for something bad to pass. And now, having reached a settlement agreement on my divorce during mediation… it seems like the right time to take a breath of air again. Fresh air.
In many respects I suppose I’ve felt sort of trapped – not in my marriage, which I’d always felt was a good thing, but rather trapped in the proceedings of a divorce that was simply going nowhere. Sort of a non-divorce. It’s been well over five years now since my former spouse and I had agreed to end the marriage once the kids were both out of high school. So that was already discussed and planned –without having worked out any of the details. However, we did agree to do so with love and respect for each other and to do so amicably when the time came. Then the time came and my former spouse forgot pretty much everything we had planned earlier. Which I suppose happens when so-called friends and lawyers begin to whisper in your ears about all the stuff that could be yours. Needless to say – plans changed, she changed and the divorce became the thing that dragged on without reason… until last week.
Last week we went to mediation. I almost didn’t want to go because judging from an email from my former spouse earlier in the week – it seemed like it was going to be another huge waste of time. She had indicated to me that settlement wasn’t something she was interested in – that she wanted to keep fighting! But after speaking with my attorney, I went to mediation and was glad that I did. There was only about 10 minutes when my former spouse and I and our two attorneys were all in the same room together with the mediator. The remainder of the time we had separate rooms and the mediator ran between rooms. For the most part everyone was cordial and smiled and said good morning. The one exception was my former spouse’s attorney. Even when I said good morning to her, she could never make eye contact or open her mouth to speak or smile or anything. It made me wonder about her and her life because she looked so absolutely miserable – or perhaps it was just really bad make-up. She still had that drawn and pinched look, like she’s constantly sucking on lemons. The poor dear. The mediator was especially good and was very keen on listening and picking up messages in the words she heard. She did an excellent job in helping us reach a settlement agreement. That’s not to say either of us are completely happy with the outcome – because there’s a degree of negotiation and give and take involved, but we ended up with something that we could live with. In the end, I felt like I could finally breathe.
So, while the divorce itself isn’t final, we are one HUGE step closer to being done, and I believe my family can begin it’s journey to healing and redefining what it means to be a family – more specifically “Our” family. It’s rather unfortunate that my former spouse chose to be so deceitful and dishonest in her approach to the separation and the divorce. In tearing down trust and respect she’s further damaged a tenuous relationship – which will only make things harder on all of us, including the kids, going forward. Such self-destructive behavior from her has come up repeatedly throughout our marriage, and so should not surprise me. She has also created a self-fulfilling prophecy by saying she felt that after the divorce I would not want to have anything to do with her. I always told her that as long as she was open, honest and respectful with me and communicated with me as a friend, I would be here for her as a friend. So, when she snuck out of the house and took all of our belongings without any discussion with me, then came back and also stole things that belonged to Al, she fulfilled her own prophecy. Healing those kinds of things will take time.
I wake up a little bit lighter these days. I’m breathing now. And I’m on my way to healing wounds that seemed to have been sitting open – and “on-hold” for some time – waiting for who-knows-what. I hope that means I’ll be able to focus more on my relationship with Al, and my relationships with my kids. I also hope that I’ll be able to focus better at work and on my art as well.
2008 has already been a busy year for me, and it doesn’t appear to be slowing down a bit! So wish me luck, and love and peace. I’m gonna need it!
WOOF ya later!
~ bbw
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
04/30/2008 - THANKS GEORGE...
The following has been attributed to George Carlin. Supposedly he wrote this after his wife passed away. I cannot validate whether or not he is in fact the author, but it seems like something he would write. He's always had a keen sense of wisdom injected into his humor. It is that sense of wisdom that shines through here - but the sense of humor is not alltogether lost. I've decided to go ahead and give him credit. Thanks George!
A Message by George Carlin:
The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...
Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.
Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.
Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.
Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.
Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.
Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
If you don't send this to at least 8 people....Who cares?
George Carlin
God Bless and...
WOOF ya later!
~ bbw
A Message by George Carlin:
The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...
Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.
Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.
Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.
Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.
Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.
Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
If you don't send this to at least 8 people....Who cares?
George Carlin
God Bless and...
WOOF ya later!
~ bbw
Friday, April 11, 2008
04/11/2008 - NO IMMUNITY...
I must admit - I am not immune. Sometimes I fall into the same trap I try to warn others against, and it's not only embarrassing, but it's humbling. I would say the humbling part is a good thing - it helps to keep me/us "real" and remind us that we are not faultless and yes, sometimes that glass house is our own.
On January 17 of this year I posted a blog titled Crazy Times, and it held up "Muslim" or Islamic ideals and compared them with "American" ideals, basically to show how inconsistent the two are and how they, like oil and water, don't fundamentally mix. That in itself isn't a bad exercise - but the big OOPS that leaves me feeling so humbled and foolish - is that I drank the same "internet kool-aid" that led me and so many others to believe for a "fact" that Barack Obama was a Muslim. At the time - I had never heard Mr. Obama state that he was Muslim - but I got emails and read internet blather almost daily that said so. AND his name seemed to fit that image as well. AND he never publicly stated that he was NOT a muslim... that is, until some months later.
Now I have heard from his very mouth that he is in fact a Christian, who reads the Bible - and well, I'll say it again - I feel foolish. I fell into the trap of the haters and I put on their sheep's skin and walked on all fours like them...
So I ask that Mr. Obama forgive me, and that you forgive me as well. It proves to me how easy it is to "believe" something when we hear it stated as fact, particularly when it is stated in a public place by seemingly professional and "knowing" people - over and over again! Much like Hillary's account of entering Bosnia under sniper fire. Had I not been informed by others who were there, I would believe her. She would have liked that.
Thanks to all of you for your love, your support, your forgiveness! Let's continue to hold each other accountable!
WOOF ya later!
~bbw
On January 17 of this year I posted a blog titled Crazy Times, and it held up "Muslim" or Islamic ideals and compared them with "American" ideals, basically to show how inconsistent the two are and how they, like oil and water, don't fundamentally mix. That in itself isn't a bad exercise - but the big OOPS that leaves me feeling so humbled and foolish - is that I drank the same "internet kool-aid" that led me and so many others to believe for a "fact" that Barack Obama was a Muslim. At the time - I had never heard Mr. Obama state that he was Muslim - but I got emails and read internet blather almost daily that said so. AND his name seemed to fit that image as well. AND he never publicly stated that he was NOT a muslim... that is, until some months later.
Now I have heard from his very mouth that he is in fact a Christian, who reads the Bible - and well, I'll say it again - I feel foolish. I fell into the trap of the haters and I put on their sheep's skin and walked on all fours like them...
So I ask that Mr. Obama forgive me, and that you forgive me as well. It proves to me how easy it is to "believe" something when we hear it stated as fact, particularly when it is stated in a public place by seemingly professional and "knowing" people - over and over again! Much like Hillary's account of entering Bosnia under sniper fire. Had I not been informed by others who were there, I would believe her. She would have liked that.
Thanks to all of you for your love, your support, your forgiveness! Let's continue to hold each other accountable!
WOOF ya later!
~bbw
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
02/20/2008 – FLIP-FLOP…
Is it that time again? And will it be business as usual? God, I’m so afraid the answer is yes. I passed a sign on someone’s fence today. It stated, simply enough “Had enough yet? Vote Democrat!” I looked at the sign and I just let the meaning sink in. I questioned myself – had enough of what? Bush? War? Republicans? What was it that this family has had enough of? Were they wanting to imply that their “enough” is the same as everyone else’s “enough”? What really bothered me was the suggestion that the answer to “enough” was now in the hands of the democrats. But that’s what I meant by “business as usual” here in America. And what prompted the title of today’s blog.You see, I’ve come rather close to concluding that our American symbol might ought to be changed from that of a noble eagle to that of a flip-flop. Yes, you know… the foam-rubber shoe some of us used to refer to as a “shower-shoe” and used to only see in public showers or pools and on beaches, but which are now fashion accessories found in every color and material on the feet of young and old across the country. How totally apt!
Why a flip-flop you ask? Good question! It goes back to the sign on the fence. Have you had enough yet? Vote Democrat! We have to assume here that by “enough”, the person sending the message has wrapped up all the woes and ills of this country into a nice, neat package containing the war, all the hatred for the bushes, both former and present, all the presumed “lies” about weapons of mass destruction, and let’s not forget the thing that most clearly and directly put our country’s safety at risk, the mispronunciation of the work “nucular”! (Don’t get me started on how these same people LOVED Dan Quayle, even when he couldn’t spell Potato!) So – all of that is lumped into a package and labeled “Fault of the Republicans!” Are you still with me? So what’s the obvious solution if you are one of those who HAVE INDEED had enough? Well, the sign tells you! Vote Democrat!
You might begin to wonder here if I’m a Republican and if this is one of those anti-Democrat rants that are going to get your panties all knotted again. I assure you, I am not. Nor will I take responsibility for the condition of your panties! What I am is an independent person, in both my political and my spiritual views of the world and of our country specifically. Please do NOT confuse that with being a MEMBER of the Independent Political party. I AM NOT! I am an independent thinker, who is a member of NO political party, and incidentally, would never vote for a candidate simply because I read a sign somewhere on a fence telling me that I should!
But that sign kind highlighted for me where we are as a society, at least politically, here in the USA today, and it left me feeling somewhat empty and powerless. We are still largely a two-party system. And if you look back through our history, we have done a great deal of voting for a particular party (either Fat-Ass Elephants or Jack-Ass Donkeys) and when we’ve HAD ENOUGH – we simply vote for the other one! And the race this year seems to be no exception.
It actually doesn’t matter if you like George Jr. or not. He’s leaving. And if you think that he alone makes and executes domestic and foreign policy and law from the oval office and you blame him directly for the things you don’t like about the current US government, well then you are simply either stupid, or supremely naïve about how democratic process in the USA works. No single man or woman has that kind of clout or power, period! But that point aside, we are getting closer and closer to a two-man (pardon me Hillary) race. I don’t know how YOU feel – but I’m not excited about ANY of the prospects! That’s not to say that one or all of them won’t make a decent president, but I have yet to hear something from them or see something of character from any of them that suggests they would make a GREAT leader! I think this country NEEDS and DESERVES a great leader!
So what is the answer? I won’t pretend to have a simple remedy, but I don’t think the answer will be found in our current two-party system. I don’t think it will be found in our in-bred flip-flop mentality. I believe we need to raise our expectations and start really holding our elected officials accountable. If they work for us, then by golly, we should only hire the best! If that BEST PERSON is not a Democrat or Republican, or they don’t have a lot of money, then we need to have an electoral system that STILL allows them to be seen, and heard and tested.
Right now, if you haven’t noticed, each candidate moving through the primaries, is preparing a different speech and a different “face” for the particular state in which they are stumping. What the hell is that all about? I want a candidate that has one speech and one face for the entire nation. I want a candidate that is elected by the country as a whole, not by a pocket here for this reason, and a pocket there for that reason. That’s what we are reduced to today. And when the election is over… and time has run its course… eventually we will have had enough. And we will flip, or flop, once more.
I’ve had enough!
WOOF ya later!
~bbw
Monday, February 18, 2008
02/18/2008 - ANCHORS....
anchoran•chor [ángker]
noun (plural an•chors)
Definition:
1. device to hold ship in place: a heavy, traditionally double-hooked, device for keeping a ship or floating object in place
2. device keeping object in place: any device that keeps an object in place
Driving to work this morning I was thinking about anchors, not necessarily in the traditional sense of big iron hooks that drag and catch at the bottom of the murky seas, but more in the figurative or symbolic sense. I was thinking about the things in my life, both concrete, and imagined, that seem somehow to hold me in place and keep me from moving forward with my life’s dreams, goals and passions. You see, my soul has been stirring again lately, as it often does when I’m either doing something I shouldn’t or not doing something I should. If I’m really honest with myself, and from time to time I try to be, I might even admit that my soul has been stirring for a long time… a very long time.
But as some of you may know… not all stirrings are equal!
As I drove this morning, I marveled at my good mood. I was smiling for no reason other than the day was good and I had a sense of being alive. More than this, I had a sense of purpose about my life this day, which is something that has been missing for way too long. Too many days, weeks and months have gone by where I have dragged myself from bed, showered, shaved, dressed, gone through the motions at a job I detest, come home and then dreaded the repetition I knew waited for me the next day. WTF?! I deserve better than that out of life. The people I love deserve better than that out of ME!
At some point this weekend a seed of an idea drifted into my mind. It was the idea that all the excuses I keep making for not doing the things I want to do right now are just that – excuses! And that they are false. So what if I’m in the middle of a divorce? Does that mean my life needs to be put on hold? No. So what if I’ve been at my job for 9+ years and things “might” be starting to get better – does that mean I shouldn’t just jump out there and look for a “Dream Job”? No.
This led to my thoughts this morning about anchors – or those things that I keep allowing to drag me down, hold me back and keep my life from being the life I want to be living. My anchors include people, voices from the past, thoughts, ideas, doubts, fears, insecurities, worries and probably a host of other things! But basically any of those things that have a negative impact on my health, wellness and fulfillment in life.
The GOOD NEWS is… I’ve made a decision to do something about it! I’m going to start trying to identify my anchors, and as quickly, honestly and deliberately as possible, extract them from my life. I want to throw away the excuses for not living the life I want to live and not pursuing happiness. If I fail to achieve some of my goals – I can handle that – but I don’t want to miss out because I was too afraid to try, or had my head so deeply buried in self-doubts, fears and excuses to even see that I COULD have tried!
I’ve done a few things right in my life. My kids – VERY RIGHT! Therefore, by default, my wife – very right for the time, but that time is over. My partner now – VERY RIGHT! My love for other people – it’s right, but I don’t think I’m doing everything I SHOULD be doing in that area. So I’ll keep looking for the right way to apply myself. The rest of my current life is wide open for change. My job, this city, this country – everything is open for discussion and change. My dreams and passions include creativity, photography and travel. Is there a job for me somewhere that will fit those passions and dreams? I don’t know – but I won’t let my job stop me from pursuing LIFE!
Sometimes I wonder if I’m on the right track with things, and every now and then I get a small cosmic tap on the shoulder that tells me everything will be ok. Today was no exception.
I arrived at the office this morning to find an email from a friend, who is also sort of an arch-nemesis when it comes to political views, and we rib each other quite a bit about such issues. But today he sent me these words accompanied by a short article which I will include as well:
“The Fear of Succeeding is the worst fear of all - because we all have it within ourselves to be really great.”
Monday, February 18, 2008
Decide and do
The route to success in any area of life can be summed up in a simple, easy-to-remember formula. Decide what you wish to do, and then do it.
That may seem entirely obvious, and indeed it is. Yet even though the path to success is so clear and simple, many people have great difficulty following it.
The decision of what to do can be greatly hindered by doubts, fears, insecurities and worries, as well as by confusion over priorities. To get past all that, remember that every doubt is a creation of your own mind, and deep within you is an authentic purpose that can transcend any challenge.
When it comes to taking action, there can be all sorts of justifications and excuses for not doing so. To move forward anyway, it's important to keep in mind that every moment is an opportunity to create value for your life and your world.
When you choose to do nothing with this moment, the opportunity it contains is gone forever, never to return. Choose instead to invest yourself in effective action, and the potential value of this moment is transformed into real, actual, lasting value in your life.
Decide how you can best express the values and dreams that mean so much to you. Then take step after step to successfully bring your decisions to life.
-- Ralph Marston
So it seems that my idea about pulling up the anchors of one’s soul isn’t an entirely new idea, nor did I intend to imply that it was. I’m just excited today because it has found its way into my way of thinking and reinvigorated me today. I entered 2008 feeling that changes would indeed be coming this year, but I felt that most of those changes would come at me like the Texas weather – with little warning and nothing I could do about it but wait until it changed again. I don’t feel that way anymore. I feel I can have a more deliberate hand in my life and my future, if I only step up and decide to do so. Today I have made that decision.
I don’t pretend to believe that every day from here on out will be easy. I bet things are going to be a lot harder at times than they are today – especially when I make decisions of the heart over decisions of convenience as I may have done in the past. But if health, wellness and fulfillment are truly my goal, I will learn to deal with those times as well. Wish me luck! I wish you the same!
WOOF ya later!
~bbw
Thursday, February 14, 2008
02/14/2008 – HEART HAPPY…
Valentines Day! It’s kind of funny to think about this day and how its meaning has changed through my life. As a kid it was all about getting cards and giving out cards and of course, THE CANDY! Dude! Those conversation hearts were just the best! I don’t care if they were solid sugar and tasted like chalk. Hell, to this day I still love Necco Wafers! LOL
Then as I got a bit older, I’m guessing Junior High and High School – it got to be a bit more serious. It was more about impressing my girlfriend at the time. Getting flowers and candy and the right card for her. Sending a candy-gram during school and stuff like that. Spending the day with her – and just making sure everything about the day was special. That was fun, but there was also probably a bit more pressure associated with the holiday. It was less carefree – kinda like life.
Since I went to catechism to learn more about the catholic faith (my mom was catholic but my dad was protestant) I learned a little bit about St. Valentine and his contribution to the holiday. But I really never make that connection when the day comes around – it’s way too commercial for that!
Oh, and since I’ve become an adult, I am NOT a card buyer! I don’t like to buy greeting cards for ANY occasion! I do buy them every now and then but I would much rather make them. This year I did buy a Valentine card for Al because there are these two cartoon characters named Hoops and Yoyo that most closely resemble a cat and a rabbit that Al just loves! It’s a talking card and it was SOOO funny I had to buy it! If you come by the house to see us, ask about the card and we’ll show it to you!
As an adult now, Valentine’s Day means something completely different than when I was a child. I’m not much about candy at all. I don’t buy cards much. Ok, I will break down and buy a bouquet or two of tulips – but only because Al really loves them, and so do I. But to me, the holiday is more about service, and about reaching out to each other and to friends. I love to send messages to friends I haven’t talked to in a while. I love to send notes to my kids and tell them I love them. The focus is no longer on the candy, cards or gifts that come wrapped… but the focus is more on the thought and care that came across in the message – “I am thinking loving thoughts of you today” or “I miss you, and I wanted you to know”.
So, as this Valentine’s day draws to a close, I know I didn’t have the time to call, text, email or IM everyone I would have liked to connect with. Hopefully my blog will find you, or you will find it, and you will know that you are loved! Happy Valentine’s Day and have a wonderful and love-filled year! Pass it on!
WOOF to ya!
~bbw
Then as I got a bit older, I’m guessing Junior High and High School – it got to be a bit more serious. It was more about impressing my girlfriend at the time. Getting flowers and candy and the right card for her. Sending a candy-gram during school and stuff like that. Spending the day with her – and just making sure everything about the day was special. That was fun, but there was also probably a bit more pressure associated with the holiday. It was less carefree – kinda like life.
Since I went to catechism to learn more about the catholic faith (my mom was catholic but my dad was protestant) I learned a little bit about St. Valentine and his contribution to the holiday. But I really never make that connection when the day comes around – it’s way too commercial for that!
Oh, and since I’ve become an adult, I am NOT a card buyer! I don’t like to buy greeting cards for ANY occasion! I do buy them every now and then but I would much rather make them. This year I did buy a Valentine card for Al because there are these two cartoon characters named Hoops and Yoyo that most closely resemble a cat and a rabbit that Al just loves! It’s a talking card and it was SOOO funny I had to buy it! If you come by the house to see us, ask about the card and we’ll show it to you!
As an adult now, Valentine’s Day means something completely different than when I was a child. I’m not much about candy at all. I don’t buy cards much. Ok, I will break down and buy a bouquet or two of tulips – but only because Al really loves them, and so do I. But to me, the holiday is more about service, and about reaching out to each other and to friends. I love to send messages to friends I haven’t talked to in a while. I love to send notes to my kids and tell them I love them. The focus is no longer on the candy, cards or gifts that come wrapped… but the focus is more on the thought and care that came across in the message – “I am thinking loving thoughts of you today” or “I miss you, and I wanted you to know”.
So, as this Valentine’s day draws to a close, I know I didn’t have the time to call, text, email or IM everyone I would have liked to connect with. Hopefully my blog will find you, or you will find it, and you will know that you are loved! Happy Valentine’s Day and have a wonderful and love-filled year! Pass it on!
WOOF to ya!
~bbw
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
02/12/2008 - ANOTHER PASSING...
Another day, another week, and another message that a friend has passed away. My first response always seems to be the same. My first thoughts are “There must be some mistake! That can’t be right!” Of course, I want there to be an error. There must be some crazy mix up! There is a part of me that desperately wants to find out that my friend is actually ok.
It seems that it was only yesterday that I last talked to him. Of course “yesterday” is inevitably more like weeks, or even months ago, which makes the loss sting just that much more. It brings home the fact that once more I’ve taken for granted the time I had to spend with a friend who no longer walks these streets with us. It seems weird that I can’t just pick up the phone and text or call him, or sit down at the computer and email or chat with him. I miss him more than I did when he moved across the country. I knew he’d come back for a visit from Atlanta. Or I could visit him. But what now?
I will miss his devilish grin and constant teasing. I will miss his silliness. I will miss walking up to his big muscular frame and declaring him my favorite lesbian. Mostly, I think, I will miss the gentle man he kept hidden inside of the rough macho exterior he presented to the world. I will miss him. I do miss him. I miss you John, my friend.
WOOF to ya bud, wherever you are!
~ bbw
It seems that it was only yesterday that I last talked to him. Of course “yesterday” is inevitably more like weeks, or even months ago, which makes the loss sting just that much more. It brings home the fact that once more I’ve taken for granted the time I had to spend with a friend who no longer walks these streets with us. It seems weird that I can’t just pick up the phone and text or call him, or sit down at the computer and email or chat with him. I miss him more than I did when he moved across the country. I knew he’d come back for a visit from Atlanta. Or I could visit him. But what now?
I will miss his devilish grin and constant teasing. I will miss his silliness. I will miss walking up to his big muscular frame and declaring him my favorite lesbian. Mostly, I think, I will miss the gentle man he kept hidden inside of the rough macho exterior he presented to the world. I will miss him. I do miss him. I miss you John, my friend.
WOOF to ya bud, wherever you are!
~ bbw
Saturday, February 02, 2008
02/01/2008 - HOLES IN TIME...
It’s been an odd week for me. Busy, sad and almost surreal. Two significant things happened this week, both of which have left places of emptiness in this time of my life. I want to explore them in reverse order. On Thursday, there was the divorce hearing in court that was similar to an out-of-body experience. There were times when I felt like an outside observer to the life I used to have, watching the woman I used to know and somewhere in the courtroom was the man I used to be. It was humbling and awakening all at the same time. On Wednesday night, while preparing information for the hearing the next morning, I received the news that a friend had died the night before. What’s worse is that he took himself away from us, making it even more confusing and heartbreaking to feel the pain and guilt when thinking about him, and missing him, wondering if there was anything I could have done that would have made a difference.
So, Court first: I sat in court this week and watched my wife, sitting with a friend of ours who came with her to provide emotional support. At one point the friend had to leave for the restroom or something and our attorneys were off doing whatever it is they do. And she and I sat alone on our court “pews”, me a couple of rows behind her, and I remembered that, for the biggest part of my life, she was my best friend and I hers. I looked at the back of her head, imagining how alone and vulnerable she must feel, and I prayed for her… tears filling my eyes. I knew it wouldn’t change what we had come there to do that day, but I wanted to send her peace and strength. I wanted her to not feel alone.
When the time came to face the judge, we made our way to the front and my wife looked at me once and smiled a silent hello. That was it. This was our brief moment before we turned things over to those who we have paid to protect our interests, at all costs.
The actual court proceedings really didn’t hold any surprises and I don’t think anyone came out feeling like they really won or lost. After all, it was a hearing and we settled very little in the larger scheme of things. If anything, I had one little surprise because I had this mental image of how my wife’s attorney might look, without ever having met her, and she fit that image exactly! She was neither young nor old, but very uptight and everything about her looked pinched, from her upturned nose to her shoes that one would imagine were at least three sizes too small. At one point during questioning I had to concentrate to keep myself from laughing because she was coming at me very aggressively but she did it in the same way that school children argue. There was something so juvenile about the way she would use obvious sarcasm that it was cartoonish. It was almost like watching someone doing a spoof of a lawyer on comedy central. But I managed to hold it together.
Back to my friend, Bruce: Apparently, he found that he no longer had a place in this world, or that the world no longer had a place for him. I’ll never really know what he truly felt in his last minutes, days, weeks or even months. I’m ashamed to say it’s been months since I had talked to him, and that just adds to my sadness and guilt now. Ironically, on Tuesday, his final day with us, I was journaling and came across an entry from 2005 where I had written about him. I was reading that and thinking about him, which caused me to think about the last time I talked to him and then of course led me to think I need to call him and catch up, invite him to dinner and see how he’s doing. One day later I find out it’s too late and it just took the wind out of me. I asked about a funeral service to see if I could at least make plans for that, but found out the family was taking his body out of town and holding the funeral the very next day. So that was not even an option for us. So I’ve been carrying around this gnawing loss for two days now. Being able to write about it helps me get it out.
My friend Bruce was a shy guy in public. It didn’t matter where you were or what the crowd was like, big or small – he was always more comfortable one-on-one. He was also a blusher, which made him fun to tease. He was such a handsome man, with a great smile. I think the only thing bigger than his smile was his heart. He was such a sweet, gentle person. But he had his fun and wild side too. He was just an all-around good guy, an all-American boy and a wonderful friend. All of these things I will remember. All of these things I will hold dear. All of these things I will miss.
We miss you Bruce!
WOOF to ya!
~ bbw
So, Court first: I sat in court this week and watched my wife, sitting with a friend of ours who came with her to provide emotional support. At one point the friend had to leave for the restroom or something and our attorneys were off doing whatever it is they do. And she and I sat alone on our court “pews”, me a couple of rows behind her, and I remembered that, for the biggest part of my life, she was my best friend and I hers. I looked at the back of her head, imagining how alone and vulnerable she must feel, and I prayed for her… tears filling my eyes. I knew it wouldn’t change what we had come there to do that day, but I wanted to send her peace and strength. I wanted her to not feel alone.
When the time came to face the judge, we made our way to the front and my wife looked at me once and smiled a silent hello. That was it. This was our brief moment before we turned things over to those who we have paid to protect our interests, at all costs.
The actual court proceedings really didn’t hold any surprises and I don’t think anyone came out feeling like they really won or lost. After all, it was a hearing and we settled very little in the larger scheme of things. If anything, I had one little surprise because I had this mental image of how my wife’s attorney might look, without ever having met her, and she fit that image exactly! She was neither young nor old, but very uptight and everything about her looked pinched, from her upturned nose to her shoes that one would imagine were at least three sizes too small. At one point during questioning I had to concentrate to keep myself from laughing because she was coming at me very aggressively but she did it in the same way that school children argue. There was something so juvenile about the way she would use obvious sarcasm that it was cartoonish. It was almost like watching someone doing a spoof of a lawyer on comedy central. But I managed to hold it together.
Back to my friend, Bruce: Apparently, he found that he no longer had a place in this world, or that the world no longer had a place for him. I’ll never really know what he truly felt in his last minutes, days, weeks or even months. I’m ashamed to say it’s been months since I had talked to him, and that just adds to my sadness and guilt now. Ironically, on Tuesday, his final day with us, I was journaling and came across an entry from 2005 where I had written about him. I was reading that and thinking about him, which caused me to think about the last time I talked to him and then of course led me to think I need to call him and catch up, invite him to dinner and see how he’s doing. One day later I find out it’s too late and it just took the wind out of me. I asked about a funeral service to see if I could at least make plans for that, but found out the family was taking his body out of town and holding the funeral the very next day. So that was not even an option for us. So I’ve been carrying around this gnawing loss for two days now. Being able to write about it helps me get it out.
My friend Bruce was a shy guy in public. It didn’t matter where you were or what the crowd was like, big or small – he was always more comfortable one-on-one. He was also a blusher, which made him fun to tease. He was such a handsome man, with a great smile. I think the only thing bigger than his smile was his heart. He was such a sweet, gentle person. But he had his fun and wild side too. He was just an all-around good guy, an all-American boy and a wonderful friend. All of these things I will remember. All of these things I will hold dear. All of these things I will miss.
We miss you Bruce!
WOOF to ya!
~ bbw
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
01/30/2008 – ROLLING STONES…
They say rolling stones gather no moss. Well I’m not sure we’ve exactly been “rolling” but things have been busy this month for sure! 2008 came in with a bang! and January is gone already!
I’m glad to report that Al’s surgery went well. It was longer than we originally anticipated. A little over 8 and a half hours! They had him face down on a steel table, unconscious the entire time. Even though there was a pad under him, it was so stressful on his body physically that it caused two huge pressure sores on his chest that looked like 2nd degree burns and actually had to be treated with silver sulfadine cream. The doctor told me there was a lot of pressure on Al’s spine but said he did great through the surgery and everything went well. He spent about 2 and a half hours in recovery before they sent him up to his room Friday evening. The hospital staff was generally very good, and outside of some quirky nurses, they took good care of us until we left on Sunday afternoon. The room we were in was a large private sweet with a couch that pulled out into a bed, so I was able to spend the entire time there with him and take care of him. Al’s second cousin, Melanie was a sweetheart and came over everyday and brought me meals and kept us both company.
Recovery at home the past week and a half has been slow but steady. People have been asking me how Al is doing and I tell them “He’s getting better every day!” Which is true. He is getting up out of bed by himself and can get around the house. But I still have to put his socks on in the morning before I go to work and make his lunch and put it on a high shelf in the fridge so he can reach it. We still have about three and a half weeks before he goes back to the doctor for a checkup. Hopefully by then he will be feeling stronger and have a better range of motion.
Another change looming is my divorce. Tomorrow is my first court appearance. I’m not really sure what to expect. I know that my wife has been less than communicative about everything since she moved out except when she wants something and the latest batch of papers from her attorney indicate that they are now trying to say the divorce is my fault. This is quite a departure from all the conversations my wife and I have had in the past about how we wanted to handle our divorce, but it’s no surprise that she has changed her mind. It’s just sad to see her choose to throw away friendship in exchange for some material possessions to which she somehow feels entitled.
I’ve always wanted her to be happy. I don’t think anything I own, or any amount of money is going to bring her that happiness. I hope that she finds it in herself.
As February comes rushing at us… I still don’t really know who I will be cheering on at the Super Bowl Party! I know Al is going for the Patriots (ONLY because of Tom Brady!) and I’m usually known for picking the underdog – so will I pick the Giants? Who knows? If you see me – make sure and wish me a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
WOOF ya later!
~ bbw
I’m glad to report that Al’s surgery went well. It was longer than we originally anticipated. A little over 8 and a half hours! They had him face down on a steel table, unconscious the entire time. Even though there was a pad under him, it was so stressful on his body physically that it caused two huge pressure sores on his chest that looked like 2nd degree burns and actually had to be treated with silver sulfadine cream. The doctor told me there was a lot of pressure on Al’s spine but said he did great through the surgery and everything went well. He spent about 2 and a half hours in recovery before they sent him up to his room Friday evening. The hospital staff was generally very good, and outside of some quirky nurses, they took good care of us until we left on Sunday afternoon. The room we were in was a large private sweet with a couch that pulled out into a bed, so I was able to spend the entire time there with him and take care of him. Al’s second cousin, Melanie was a sweetheart and came over everyday and brought me meals and kept us both company.
Recovery at home the past week and a half has been slow but steady. People have been asking me how Al is doing and I tell them “He’s getting better every day!” Which is true. He is getting up out of bed by himself and can get around the house. But I still have to put his socks on in the morning before I go to work and make his lunch and put it on a high shelf in the fridge so he can reach it. We still have about three and a half weeks before he goes back to the doctor for a checkup. Hopefully by then he will be feeling stronger and have a better range of motion.
Another change looming is my divorce. Tomorrow is my first court appearance. I’m not really sure what to expect. I know that my wife has been less than communicative about everything since she moved out except when she wants something and the latest batch of papers from her attorney indicate that they are now trying to say the divorce is my fault. This is quite a departure from all the conversations my wife and I have had in the past about how we wanted to handle our divorce, but it’s no surprise that she has changed her mind. It’s just sad to see her choose to throw away friendship in exchange for some material possessions to which she somehow feels entitled.
I’ve always wanted her to be happy. I don’t think anything I own, or any amount of money is going to bring her that happiness. I hope that she finds it in herself.
As February comes rushing at us… I still don’t really know who I will be cheering on at the Super Bowl Party! I know Al is going for the Patriots (ONLY because of Tom Brady!) and I’m usually known for picking the underdog – so will I pick the Giants? Who knows? If you see me – make sure and wish me a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
WOOF ya later!
~ bbw
Friday, January 18, 2008
01/18/2007 THE TIME IS AT HAND…
It’s a little past midnight and we are getting ready for bed. The bags are pretty much packed and the house is pretty much ready. My daughter and her boyfriend came to get the dog tonight to keep her for the weekend. And I’ve set the alarm for 4:30 am so that I can get up and drive Al to the hospital in Arlington for spinal surgery. They want us there by 5:45 am even though they won’t take him into surgery until 7:15 am. I guess we are as ready as we can be.
We had a burst of energy earlier in the evening, moving the big couch into the living room, vacuuming all of the carpets and sitting down to a quiet dinner. Then we pulled out all of our DVDs and re-arranged them into more logical groupings. Maybe it was nervous energy. Maybe it was something else.
During the week there’s been this unspoken feeling and sense of things between us. It wasn’t fear or uneasiness. For the most part, we’ve been comfortable with the pending procedure and yesterday the doctor even pulled out a model and showed Al exactly what they were going to be doing with his spine. That helped even more. No, the feeling between us has not been a bad thing at all.
We both certainly understand that with any kind of surgery, no matter how minor or how complicated, there is always the chance that something could go wrong. We have not been carrying around any kind of fear associated with that subtle knowledge. The feeling that has been unspoken, but deeply felt, is more akin to sensing the moments of being together. It has been us being more keenly aware of the preciousness of those moments. Each glance, each meal shared, each good night kiss – has lately been that much more special and wrapped in the aura of a gift. And it has so palpable lately. So sweet.
While we still “check in” with each other on a regular basis and ask how the other is doing, no matter what the answer has been, behind that answer is a knowing look that says “I know… and I love you more each day”.
So as I turn out the light tonight, pull him closer to me, snuggle up and whisper “good night” and “I love you” – the words we exchange will carry with them that extra bit of care, love and heart-felt devotion that assures the other that we recognize these moments, as much as any other, are more precious than gold!
May we all live in the fullness of each moment of our lives!
WOOF ya later!
~bbw
We had a burst of energy earlier in the evening, moving the big couch into the living room, vacuuming all of the carpets and sitting down to a quiet dinner. Then we pulled out all of our DVDs and re-arranged them into more logical groupings. Maybe it was nervous energy. Maybe it was something else.
During the week there’s been this unspoken feeling and sense of things between us. It wasn’t fear or uneasiness. For the most part, we’ve been comfortable with the pending procedure and yesterday the doctor even pulled out a model and showed Al exactly what they were going to be doing with his spine. That helped even more. No, the feeling between us has not been a bad thing at all.
We both certainly understand that with any kind of surgery, no matter how minor or how complicated, there is always the chance that something could go wrong. We have not been carrying around any kind of fear associated with that subtle knowledge. The feeling that has been unspoken, but deeply felt, is more akin to sensing the moments of being together. It has been us being more keenly aware of the preciousness of those moments. Each glance, each meal shared, each good night kiss – has lately been that much more special and wrapped in the aura of a gift. And it has so palpable lately. So sweet.
While we still “check in” with each other on a regular basis and ask how the other is doing, no matter what the answer has been, behind that answer is a knowing look that says “I know… and I love you more each day”.
So as I turn out the light tonight, pull him closer to me, snuggle up and whisper “good night” and “I love you” – the words we exchange will carry with them that extra bit of care, love and heart-felt devotion that assures the other that we recognize these moments, as much as any other, are more precious than gold!
May we all live in the fullness of each moment of our lives!
WOOF ya later!
~bbw
Thursday, January 17, 2008
01/17/2008 CRAZY TIMES…
Can Muslims be good Americans?
This is an interesting question.
This great country was founded on some damn fine principles. One of those was the principle of freedom of religion. Any free man should be allowed to practice ANY religion he likes. Right! Right? Any religion? Like Jim Jones and the Kool-Aid Klan? Or Tom Cruise and his cult of Scientology? I’m all for letting people find their own path and working out their own spirituality and their own salvation, but I have to draw the line at proselytizing or evangelizing through coercion, guilt, force etc. And I certainly don’t condone the freedom of someone’s religion to infringe on the rights and freedoms of others. So what about Islam and this Muslim faith?
Can a good Muslim be a good American? To get at an answer, we need to have a better understanding of the basic tenets of what it means to be a Muslim. The question was forwarded to a gentleman who has worked in Saudi Arabia for 20 years. In an email that was copied to me, the following is his reply:
Theologically – no, because his allegiance is to Allah, The moon God of Arabia.
Religiously – no, because no other religion is accepted by His Allah except Islam (Quran, 2:256) (Koran).
Scripturally – no, because his allegiance is to the five Pillars of Islam and the Quran.
Geographically – no, because his allegiance is to Mecca, to which he turns in prayer five times a day.
Socially – no, because his allegiance to Islam forbids him to make friends with Christians or Jews.
Politically – no, because he must submit to the mullahs (spiritual leaders), who teach annihilation of Israel and destruction of America, the great Satan.
Domestically – no, because he is instructed to marry 4 women and beat and scourge his wives if they disobey him
Intellectually – no, because he cannot accept the US Constitution since it is based on Biblical principles, and he believes the Bible to be corrupt
Philosophically – no, because Islam, Muhammad, and the Quran do not allow freedom of religion and expression. Democracy and Islam cannot co-exist. Every Muslim government is either dictatorial or autocratic.
Spiritually – no, because when we declare 'one nation under God,' the Christian's God is loving and kind, while Allah is NEVER referred to as Heavenly father, nor is he ever called love in The Quran's 99 excellent names.
Therefore after such deliberation, should we be suspect of ALL MUSLIMS in this country? If they are truly devout, can they really be both good Muslims and good Americans?
The more we understand about this, the better it will be for our country and our future. A religious war has been waged against our country, of that there can be no doubt. The religious war is bigger than we know or can comprehend.
Retraction: 04/11/2008 - Regrettably - the statement in brackets below was made out of my ignorance, and in fact, Mr. Obama is a practicing Christian! My apologies to him and to you. ~bbw
[And we also know that Barack Hussein Obama, a Muslim, wants to be our President. He’s even said if he wins the election, he will be sworn in on the Quran (Koran), not the Bible.]
Is there a conflict of interest here?
Do you think America cares?
Some days I’m just not sure…
Let’s all remember to:
- Love one-another
- Look after one-another
- Hold one-another accountable
WOOF ya later!
~ bbw
This is an interesting question.
This great country was founded on some damn fine principles. One of those was the principle of freedom of religion. Any free man should be allowed to practice ANY religion he likes. Right! Right? Any religion? Like Jim Jones and the Kool-Aid Klan? Or Tom Cruise and his cult of Scientology? I’m all for letting people find their own path and working out their own spirituality and their own salvation, but I have to draw the line at proselytizing or evangelizing through coercion, guilt, force etc. And I certainly don’t condone the freedom of someone’s religion to infringe on the rights and freedoms of others. So what about Islam and this Muslim faith?
Can a good Muslim be a good American? To get at an answer, we need to have a better understanding of the basic tenets of what it means to be a Muslim. The question was forwarded to a gentleman who has worked in Saudi Arabia for 20 years. In an email that was copied to me, the following is his reply:
Theologically – no, because his allegiance is to Allah, The moon God of Arabia.
Religiously – no, because no other religion is accepted by His Allah except Islam (Quran, 2:256) (Koran).
Scripturally – no, because his allegiance is to the five Pillars of Islam and the Quran.
Geographically – no, because his allegiance is to Mecca, to which he turns in prayer five times a day.
Socially – no, because his allegiance to Islam forbids him to make friends with Christians or Jews.
Politically – no, because he must submit to the mullahs (spiritual leaders), who teach annihilation of Israel and destruction of America, the great Satan.
Domestically – no, because he is instructed to marry 4 women and beat and scourge his wives if they disobey him
Intellectually – no, because he cannot accept the US Constitution since it is based on Biblical principles, and he believes the Bible to be corrupt
Philosophically – no, because Islam, Muhammad, and the Quran do not allow freedom of religion and expression. Democracy and Islam cannot co-exist. Every Muslim government is either dictatorial or autocratic.
Spiritually – no, because when we declare 'one nation under God,' the Christian's God is loving and kind, while Allah is NEVER referred to as Heavenly father, nor is he ever called love in The Quran's 99 excellent names.
Therefore after such deliberation, should we be suspect of ALL MUSLIMS in this country? If they are truly devout, can they really be both good Muslims and good Americans?
The more we understand about this, the better it will be for our country and our future. A religious war has been waged against our country, of that there can be no doubt. The religious war is bigger than we know or can comprehend.
Retraction: 04/11/2008 - Regrettably - the statement in brackets below was made out of my ignorance, and in fact, Mr. Obama is a practicing Christian! My apologies to him and to you. ~bbw
[And we also know that Barack Hussein Obama, a Muslim, wants to be our President. He’s even said if he wins the election, he will be sworn in on the Quran (Koran), not the Bible.]
Is there a conflict of interest here?
Do you think America cares?
Some days I’m just not sure…
Let’s all remember to:
- Love one-another
- Look after one-another
- Hold one-another accountable
WOOF ya later!
~ bbw
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
01/08/2008 – TIME MARCHES ON...
Another year gone and a new one sitting in front of us, already slipping under our feet, begging the question… “what will you do with me?” What indeed.
It’s not a question I like to take lightly because I truly believe that time is one of our most valuable resources, yet it is a question I find completely perplexing and difficult to answer. There are so many things I WANT to do, but I really don’t have a clue as to what I will ACTUALLY do this year. And yes I know, that’s pretty much a cop-out for an answer – but it’s honest nonetheless.
When I start to think about making plans, setting goals, jotting lists and then executing those, my head begins to spin, I get dizzy, my palms sweat and I feel faint. I’m emotionally unprepared to actually “see” myself in the future. Not that I don’t spend more than my fair share of time dreaming, because I do! But when it comes down to practicality, I’m more of a “here and now” kinda guy! I’ve always been that way. So you can probably guess that I’m not really strong when it comes to saving, or building up an investment portfolio. I don’t have a documented and charted five or ten year goal worksheet or checklist. What I do have is a crystal clear notion that I DON’T want to be where I am now in 10 years, and I DO want to be somewhere else! But I don’t have more than a foggy notion of what that journey will look like or where it will end up. And, for the most part, I’m ok with that.
From what I’ve seen in this life, most things “planned” don’t even turn out the way we first envisioned them. I’ve also learned that the quickest way to disappointment is through expectation, especially when it comes to dealing with other people. So, I guess you could say that I’ve fashioned my life to be somewhat of a loosely planned, one-day-at-a time, creatively-directed and spiritually-open adventure of sorts. While I have a full-time “day job” I have many other “hobbies” that don’t generate any real income at this time, but they do bring a “return” of sorts. In the future that may change and I may actually be able to make a tangible living with these more creative pursuits, but for now, they all serve a purpose.
And what about changes? Things constantly change around us. 2007 was a big year for changes around our home! My partner and I moved back into the house and started much-needed renovations. My son graduated from high school and enrolled in college! (YAY him!) My daughter moved out of the house and into an apartment she shares with her boyfriend. My wife started school, moved out of the house into her own apartment and then started divorce proceedings (YAY her!) And these are only a FEW of the year’s highlights! If you had asked which of these were planned at the beginning of the year, I think only the high school graduation was high on the list of hopeful (if questionable!). The divorce may also have seemed inevitable to some, but even at the beginning of 2007 there was no conscious thought of “this is the year”. But like I said, things change – and people change.
So with all these factors to consider, how am I supposed to know right here and now what I am going to do with 2008? I planned a birthday party for Al this coming Friday. What happens if I get hit with a bus on Thursday? See what I mean? Yes it’s silly not to plan at all – but how far out is too far? I guess that’s different for everyone. Unfortunately, my reach isn’t that far. So far this year I’ve planned: a dinner for Al and I to celebrate on his actual birthday, a dinner party to help celebrate Al’s birthday with friends, time off to be with Al when he is having back surgery and a VERY tentative schedule of my vacation days for the year. Beyond that – nothing has been planned. I know I will end up doing other things. Al and I like to stay active and love to get involved in volunteer activities, particularly if they are coupled with art-related events. So we’re always looking for those types of things to plug into.
Then there’s travel! I love to “get out and about” whether that’s across town, across the state, across the country or around the world! I’ve been known to leave town on a whim with no bags packed at all. That works when it’s a weekend trip and you aren’t going too far, but generally trips take a bit more planning and preparation. So here I am challenged once again. Last summer a friend approached me about a cruise coming up in February of 2008. I immediately told him to discuss it with Al because that kind of planning stressed me out. I joked with him about my blood pressure – but I was only partially joking. It really does stress me out to have to make concrete plans that far into the future. I have no idea why I’m wired like that. I just am. It’s weird.
So, 2008, I welcome you. I’m not sure what you have in store for me. And I’m not at all certain what I have planned for you. But between the two of us, I think we can make it one helluva good year!
Happy New Year everyone!
Make it the best it can be!
WOOF ya later!
~ bbw
It’s not a question I like to take lightly because I truly believe that time is one of our most valuable resources, yet it is a question I find completely perplexing and difficult to answer. There are so many things I WANT to do, but I really don’t have a clue as to what I will ACTUALLY do this year. And yes I know, that’s pretty much a cop-out for an answer – but it’s honest nonetheless.
When I start to think about making plans, setting goals, jotting lists and then executing those, my head begins to spin, I get dizzy, my palms sweat and I feel faint. I’m emotionally unprepared to actually “see” myself in the future. Not that I don’t spend more than my fair share of time dreaming, because I do! But when it comes down to practicality, I’m more of a “here and now” kinda guy! I’ve always been that way. So you can probably guess that I’m not really strong when it comes to saving, or building up an investment portfolio. I don’t have a documented and charted five or ten year goal worksheet or checklist. What I do have is a crystal clear notion that I DON’T want to be where I am now in 10 years, and I DO want to be somewhere else! But I don’t have more than a foggy notion of what that journey will look like or where it will end up. And, for the most part, I’m ok with that.
From what I’ve seen in this life, most things “planned” don’t even turn out the way we first envisioned them. I’ve also learned that the quickest way to disappointment is through expectation, especially when it comes to dealing with other people. So, I guess you could say that I’ve fashioned my life to be somewhat of a loosely planned, one-day-at-a time, creatively-directed and spiritually-open adventure of sorts. While I have a full-time “day job” I have many other “hobbies” that don’t generate any real income at this time, but they do bring a “return” of sorts. In the future that may change and I may actually be able to make a tangible living with these more creative pursuits, but for now, they all serve a purpose.
And what about changes? Things constantly change around us. 2007 was a big year for changes around our home! My partner and I moved back into the house and started much-needed renovations. My son graduated from high school and enrolled in college! (YAY him!) My daughter moved out of the house and into an apartment she shares with her boyfriend. My wife started school, moved out of the house into her own apartment and then started divorce proceedings (YAY her!) And these are only a FEW of the year’s highlights! If you had asked which of these were planned at the beginning of the year, I think only the high school graduation was high on the list of hopeful (if questionable!). The divorce may also have seemed inevitable to some, but even at the beginning of 2007 there was no conscious thought of “this is the year”. But like I said, things change – and people change.
So with all these factors to consider, how am I supposed to know right here and now what I am going to do with 2008? I planned a birthday party for Al this coming Friday. What happens if I get hit with a bus on Thursday? See what I mean? Yes it’s silly not to plan at all – but how far out is too far? I guess that’s different for everyone. Unfortunately, my reach isn’t that far. So far this year I’ve planned: a dinner for Al and I to celebrate on his actual birthday, a dinner party to help celebrate Al’s birthday with friends, time off to be with Al when he is having back surgery and a VERY tentative schedule of my vacation days for the year. Beyond that – nothing has been planned. I know I will end up doing other things. Al and I like to stay active and love to get involved in volunteer activities, particularly if they are coupled with art-related events. So we’re always looking for those types of things to plug into.
Then there’s travel! I love to “get out and about” whether that’s across town, across the state, across the country or around the world! I’ve been known to leave town on a whim with no bags packed at all. That works when it’s a weekend trip and you aren’t going too far, but generally trips take a bit more planning and preparation. So here I am challenged once again. Last summer a friend approached me about a cruise coming up in February of 2008. I immediately told him to discuss it with Al because that kind of planning stressed me out. I joked with him about my blood pressure – but I was only partially joking. It really does stress me out to have to make concrete plans that far into the future. I have no idea why I’m wired like that. I just am. It’s weird.
So, 2008, I welcome you. I’m not sure what you have in store for me. And I’m not at all certain what I have planned for you. But between the two of us, I think we can make it one helluva good year!
Happy New Year everyone!
Make it the best it can be!
WOOF ya later!
~ bbw
Monday, December 03, 2007
12/03/2007 - CHOICES, CHOICES...
Below is an article originally published in USA Today on November 20, 2006. So it’s a bit over a year old now but I had never seen it before and found it very well written and thought provoking. I thought some of you might find it interesting as well. Enjoy.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When religion loses its credibility By Oliver "Buzz" Thomas
What if Christian leaders are wrong about homosexuality? I suppose, much as a newspaper maintains its credibility by setting the record straight, church leaders would need to do the same:
Correction: Despite what you might have read, heard or been taught throughout your churchgoing life, homosexuality is, in fact, determined at birth and is not to be condemned by God's followers.
Based on a few recent headlines, we won't be seeing that admission anytime soon. Last week, U.S. Roman Catholic bishops took the position that homosexual attractions are "disordered" and that gays should live closeted lives of chastity. At the same time, North Carolina's Baptist State Convention was preparing to investigate churches that are too gay-friendly. Even the more liberal Presbyterian Church (USA) had been planning to put a minister on trial for conducting a marriage ceremony for two women before the charges were dismissed on a technicality. All this brings me back to the question: What if we're wrong?
Religion's only real commodity, after all, is its moral authority. Lose that, and we lose our credibility. Lose credibility, and we might as well close up shop.
It's happened to Christianity before, most famously when we dug in our heels over Galileo's challenge to the biblical view that the Earth, rather than the sun, was at the center of our solar system. You know the story. Galileo was persecuted for what turned out to be incontrovertibly true. For many, especially in the scientific community, Christianity never recovered.
This time, Christianity is in danger of squandering its moral authority by continuing its pattern of discrimination against gays and lesbians in the face of mounting scientific evidence that sexual orientation has little or nothing to do with choice. To the contrary, whether sexual orientation arises as a result of the mother's hormones or the child's brain structure or DNA, it is almost certainly an accident of birth. The point is this: Without choice, there can be no moral culpability.
Answer in Scriptures:
So, why are so many church leaders (not to mention Orthodox Jewish and Muslim leaders) persisting in their view that homosexuality is wrong despite a growing stream of scientific evidence that is likely to become a torrent in the coming years? The answer is found in Leviticus 18. "You shall not lie with a man as with a woman; it is an abomination."
As a former "the Bible says it, I believe it, that settles it" kind of guy, I am sympathetic with any Christian who accepts the Bible at face value. But here's the catch. Leviticus is filled with laws imposing the death penalty for everything from eating catfish to sassing your parents. If you accept one as the absolute, unequivocal word of God, you must accept them all.
For many of gay America's loudest critics, the results are unthinkable. First, no more football. At least not without gloves. Handling a pig skin is an abomination. Second, no more Saturday games even if you can get a new ball. Violating the Sabbath is a capital offense according to Leviticus. For the over-40 crowd, approaching the altar of God with a defect in your sight is taboo, but you'll have plenty of company because those menstruating or with disabilities are also barred.
The truth is that mainstream religion has moved beyond animal sacrifice, slavery and the host of primitive rituals described in Leviticus centuries ago. Selectively hanging onto these ancient proscriptions for gays and lesbians exclusively is unfair according to anybody's standard of ethics. We lawyers call it "selective enforcement," and in civil affairs it's illegal.
A better reading of Scripture starts with the book of Genesis and the grand pronouncement about the world God created and all those who dwelled in it. "And, the Lord saw that it was good." If God created us and if everything he created is good, how can a gay person be guilty of being anything more than what God created him or her to be?
Turning to the New Testament, the writings of the Apostle Paul at first lend credence to the notion that homosexuality is a sin, until you consider that Paul most likely is referring to the Roman practice of pederasty, a form of pedophilia common in the ancient world. Successful older men often took boys into their homes as concubines, lovers or sexual slaves. Today, such sexual exploitation of minors is no longer tolerated. The point is that the sort of long-term, committed, same-sex relationships that are being debated today are not addressed in the New Testament. It distorts the biblical witness to apply verses written in one historical context (i.e. sexual exploitation of children) to contemporary situations between two monogamous partners of the same sex. Sexual promiscuity is condemned by the Bible whether it's between gays or straights. Sexual fidelity is not.
What would Jesus do?
For those who have lingering doubts, dust off your Bibles and take a few hours to reacquaint yourself with the teachings of Jesus. You won't find a single reference to homosexuality. There are teachings on money, lust, revenge, divorce, fasting and a thousand other subjects, but there is nothing on homosexuality. Strange, don't you think, if being gay were such a moral threat?
On the other hand, Jesus spent a lot of time talking about how we should treat others. First, he made clear it is not our role to judge. It is God's. ("Judge not lest you be judged." Matthew 7:1) And, second, he commanded us to love other people as we love ourselves.
So, I ask you. Would you want to be discriminated against? Would you want to lose your job, housing or benefits because of something over which you had no control? Better yet, would you like it if society told you that you couldn't visit your lifelong partner in the hospital or file a claim on his behalf if he were murdered?
The suffering that gay and lesbian people have endured at the hands of religion is incalculable, but they can look expectantly to the future for vindication. Scientific facts, after all, are a stubborn thing. Even our religious beliefs must finally yield to them as the church in its battle with Galileo ultimately realized. But for religion, the future might be ominous. Watching the growing conflict between medical science and religion over homosexuality is like watching a train wreck from a distance. You can see it coming for miles and sense the inevitable conclusion, but you're powerless to stop it. The more church leaders dig in their heels, the worse it's likely to be.
Oliver "Buzz" Thomas is a Baptist minister and author of an upcoming book, 10 Things Your Minister Wants to Tell You (But Can't Because He Needs the Job).
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So - I suppose we could "choose" to hide and pretend to not be gay, or bi or whatever we are that is different than someone else just so that they can feel more comfortable or better about themselves, but as for me, I'm thinkin... NAHHHH!
I hope your December is off to a GREAT START and that your Christmas is shaping up to be a wonderful one!
WOOF ya later!
~ bbw
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When religion loses its credibility By Oliver "Buzz" Thomas
What if Christian leaders are wrong about homosexuality? I suppose, much as a newspaper maintains its credibility by setting the record straight, church leaders would need to do the same:
Correction: Despite what you might have read, heard or been taught throughout your churchgoing life, homosexuality is, in fact, determined at birth and is not to be condemned by God's followers.
Based on a few recent headlines, we won't be seeing that admission anytime soon. Last week, U.S. Roman Catholic bishops took the position that homosexual attractions are "disordered" and that gays should live closeted lives of chastity. At the same time, North Carolina's Baptist State Convention was preparing to investigate churches that are too gay-friendly. Even the more liberal Presbyterian Church (USA) had been planning to put a minister on trial for conducting a marriage ceremony for two women before the charges were dismissed on a technicality. All this brings me back to the question: What if we're wrong?
Religion's only real commodity, after all, is its moral authority. Lose that, and we lose our credibility. Lose credibility, and we might as well close up shop.
It's happened to Christianity before, most famously when we dug in our heels over Galileo's challenge to the biblical view that the Earth, rather than the sun, was at the center of our solar system. You know the story. Galileo was persecuted for what turned out to be incontrovertibly true. For many, especially in the scientific community, Christianity never recovered.
This time, Christianity is in danger of squandering its moral authority by continuing its pattern of discrimination against gays and lesbians in the face of mounting scientific evidence that sexual orientation has little or nothing to do with choice. To the contrary, whether sexual orientation arises as a result of the mother's hormones or the child's brain structure or DNA, it is almost certainly an accident of birth. The point is this: Without choice, there can be no moral culpability.
Answer in Scriptures:
So, why are so many church leaders (not to mention Orthodox Jewish and Muslim leaders) persisting in their view that homosexuality is wrong despite a growing stream of scientific evidence that is likely to become a torrent in the coming years? The answer is found in Leviticus 18. "You shall not lie with a man as with a woman; it is an abomination."
As a former "the Bible says it, I believe it, that settles it" kind of guy, I am sympathetic with any Christian who accepts the Bible at face value. But here's the catch. Leviticus is filled with laws imposing the death penalty for everything from eating catfish to sassing your parents. If you accept one as the absolute, unequivocal word of God, you must accept them all.
For many of gay America's loudest critics, the results are unthinkable. First, no more football. At least not without gloves. Handling a pig skin is an abomination. Second, no more Saturday games even if you can get a new ball. Violating the Sabbath is a capital offense according to Leviticus. For the over-40 crowd, approaching the altar of God with a defect in your sight is taboo, but you'll have plenty of company because those menstruating or with disabilities are also barred.
The truth is that mainstream religion has moved beyond animal sacrifice, slavery and the host of primitive rituals described in Leviticus centuries ago. Selectively hanging onto these ancient proscriptions for gays and lesbians exclusively is unfair according to anybody's standard of ethics. We lawyers call it "selective enforcement," and in civil affairs it's illegal.
A better reading of Scripture starts with the book of Genesis and the grand pronouncement about the world God created and all those who dwelled in it. "And, the Lord saw that it was good." If God created us and if everything he created is good, how can a gay person be guilty of being anything more than what God created him or her to be?
Turning to the New Testament, the writings of the Apostle Paul at first lend credence to the notion that homosexuality is a sin, until you consider that Paul most likely is referring to the Roman practice of pederasty, a form of pedophilia common in the ancient world. Successful older men often took boys into their homes as concubines, lovers or sexual slaves. Today, such sexual exploitation of minors is no longer tolerated. The point is that the sort of long-term, committed, same-sex relationships that are being debated today are not addressed in the New Testament. It distorts the biblical witness to apply verses written in one historical context (i.e. sexual exploitation of children) to contemporary situations between two monogamous partners of the same sex. Sexual promiscuity is condemned by the Bible whether it's between gays or straights. Sexual fidelity is not.
What would Jesus do?
For those who have lingering doubts, dust off your Bibles and take a few hours to reacquaint yourself with the teachings of Jesus. You won't find a single reference to homosexuality. There are teachings on money, lust, revenge, divorce, fasting and a thousand other subjects, but there is nothing on homosexuality. Strange, don't you think, if being gay were such a moral threat?
On the other hand, Jesus spent a lot of time talking about how we should treat others. First, he made clear it is not our role to judge. It is God's. ("Judge not lest you be judged." Matthew 7:1) And, second, he commanded us to love other people as we love ourselves.
So, I ask you. Would you want to be discriminated against? Would you want to lose your job, housing or benefits because of something over which you had no control? Better yet, would you like it if society told you that you couldn't visit your lifelong partner in the hospital or file a claim on his behalf if he were murdered?
The suffering that gay and lesbian people have endured at the hands of religion is incalculable, but they can look expectantly to the future for vindication. Scientific facts, after all, are a stubborn thing. Even our religious beliefs must finally yield to them as the church in its battle with Galileo ultimately realized. But for religion, the future might be ominous. Watching the growing conflict between medical science and religion over homosexuality is like watching a train wreck from a distance. You can see it coming for miles and sense the inevitable conclusion, but you're powerless to stop it. The more church leaders dig in their heels, the worse it's likely to be.
Oliver "Buzz" Thomas is a Baptist minister and author of an upcoming book, 10 Things Your Minister Wants to Tell You (But Can't Because He Needs the Job).
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So - I suppose we could "choose" to hide and pretend to not be gay, or bi or whatever we are that is different than someone else just so that they can feel more comfortable or better about themselves, but as for me, I'm thinkin... NAHHHH!
I hope your December is off to a GREAT START and that your Christmas is shaping up to be a wonderful one!
WOOF ya later!
~ bbw
Friday, November 09, 2007
11/09/2007 - TIME STILL FLYIN'...
So... I haven't really put anything new out here since June. But that doesn't mean nothing has been going on in my life. Quite the contrary, a lot has been happening.
My youngest graduated high school and we are now going through the enrollment process to get him started in college. We're all excited about that!
My daughter has been working for the same company for some time now and has taken a break from school but is re-enrolling next semester because she wants to make sure and get her degree now. She has a really nice boyfriend and about a two months ago the two of them moved out of the house and into their own apartment. That took some getting used to for me, and I guess in some ways I'm still adjusting. She's always been "Daddy's Girl" and I worry a lot about her and her health. So it's been hard in some ways for me to let go. But just like I need to let her have her freedom and "grow up" - I need to do some of the same. I'm just glad she didn't move to another city or another state. This way, I still get to see her quite often!
A few days after my daughter and her boyfriend moved out, my wife decided to do the same thing. Only I guess it slipped her mind to let me know because she pretty much had some of her friends help her load up just about everything that was ours (now hers) that she could find room for, and was gone by the time I returned from work at the end of the day. To this day I'm not sure why she chose to do things that way - but what is done is done. She's since filed the divorce proceedings and we are in the process of taking care of that.
The house has kept us busy as well. There's still quite a bit of work to do. Hopefully we can get some painting done before we decorate for Christmas! That's going to take some dedication though! We've already repainted my daughter's old room but we want to try and get the living and dining rooms done soon.
We have a few art fundraiser opportunities coming up soon. We were too busy to participate in submitting works for the Artists Against AIDS fundraiser in October, but we were able to support the event by volunteering our time as bartenders for the event. We had an absolute blast! It was such a worthy and well-attended event. We will definitely make time and plan better next year! Art Conspiracy 3 is coming up the weekend of December 9th and we are planning to be a part of that event again this year. If you've never been - please come check it out! More information can be found at http://www.artconspiracy.org/. Then, in early 2008, there will be an event called the Free Range Art Project benefiting the Bishop Arts District in Oak Cliff. It is the first year for this project and already is shaping up to be a great event.
So, as you can see, my life is in continuous forward motion, and always FULL FULL FULL of things to do, places to be, people to see, and of course there’s work too! I passed my 9th anniversary at my company in August. It was NOT a happy day! I’ve never worked for one company for so long in my life! I vowed to myself I would not be there for my 10th, but in all honesty, if things change (and they are constantly changing!) and that change is for the better… well then maybe being there is a good thing for me. Time will tell. In the meantime, I’m keeping my eyes open for other opportunities and I’m dreaming BIG!
Speaking of anniversaries… this is the eve of mine and Al’s third anniversary. Three years… all I can say is WOW! Another big surprise. I remember meeting him in person for the first time three years ago. I remember where I was in my life at that time. I remember the weather. I remember my state of mind and the state of my spirit at the time. I remember being unavailable for a relationship with anyone. I remember telling him that – repeatedly. I remember the movie we saw with a group that used to meet weekly. I remember chatting with him online for almost a year prior to actually meeting in person. I remember my impression of him from our online chats and I remember my first impression of him as he walked up the steps to say hello in front of the theater. I remember our first touch, as I held his hand in the dark… and I remember how he trembled. In the three years we’ve been together, I remember so many things, and I’m sure I’ve forgotten more than I should as well. But at the moment, I’m ok with that, because I still have him with me, at my side day by day, to remind me with his smile, his eyes, his touch, his gentleness and his love. For 45 years now I’ve been on this planet, and for the last three of those years, I’ve finally been shown what it is like to be loved completely, unashamedly and unselfishly. And so you find me here now, a bit dazed and confused at how all these blessings could actually be coming to me, but content in the knowledge that I am the luckiest and most blessed man on this earth.
Thank you Al. I love you too.
Needless to say, since time is still flyin', I must be havin' fun!!!
WOOF ya later!
~ bbw
My youngest graduated high school and we are now going through the enrollment process to get him started in college. We're all excited about that!
My daughter has been working for the same company for some time now and has taken a break from school but is re-enrolling next semester because she wants to make sure and get her degree now. She has a really nice boyfriend and about a two months ago the two of them moved out of the house and into their own apartment. That took some getting used to for me, and I guess in some ways I'm still adjusting. She's always been "Daddy's Girl" and I worry a lot about her and her health. So it's been hard in some ways for me to let go. But just like I need to let her have her freedom and "grow up" - I need to do some of the same. I'm just glad she didn't move to another city or another state. This way, I still get to see her quite often!
A few days after my daughter and her boyfriend moved out, my wife decided to do the same thing. Only I guess it slipped her mind to let me know because she pretty much had some of her friends help her load up just about everything that was ours (now hers) that she could find room for, and was gone by the time I returned from work at the end of the day. To this day I'm not sure why she chose to do things that way - but what is done is done. She's since filed the divorce proceedings and we are in the process of taking care of that.
The house has kept us busy as well. There's still quite a bit of work to do. Hopefully we can get some painting done before we decorate for Christmas! That's going to take some dedication though! We've already repainted my daughter's old room but we want to try and get the living and dining rooms done soon.
We have a few art fundraiser opportunities coming up soon. We were too busy to participate in submitting works for the Artists Against AIDS fundraiser in October, but we were able to support the event by volunteering our time as bartenders for the event. We had an absolute blast! It was such a worthy and well-attended event. We will definitely make time and plan better next year! Art Conspiracy 3 is coming up the weekend of December 9th and we are planning to be a part of that event again this year. If you've never been - please come check it out! More information can be found at http://www.artconspiracy.org/. Then, in early 2008, there will be an event called the Free Range Art Project benefiting the Bishop Arts District in Oak Cliff. It is the first year for this project and already is shaping up to be a great event.
So, as you can see, my life is in continuous forward motion, and always FULL FULL FULL of things to do, places to be, people to see, and of course there’s work too! I passed my 9th anniversary at my company in August. It was NOT a happy day! I’ve never worked for one company for so long in my life! I vowed to myself I would not be there for my 10th, but in all honesty, if things change (and they are constantly changing!) and that change is for the better… well then maybe being there is a good thing for me. Time will tell. In the meantime, I’m keeping my eyes open for other opportunities and I’m dreaming BIG!
Speaking of anniversaries… this is the eve of mine and Al’s third anniversary. Three years… all I can say is WOW! Another big surprise. I remember meeting him in person for the first time three years ago. I remember where I was in my life at that time. I remember the weather. I remember my state of mind and the state of my spirit at the time. I remember being unavailable for a relationship with anyone. I remember telling him that – repeatedly. I remember the movie we saw with a group that used to meet weekly. I remember chatting with him online for almost a year prior to actually meeting in person. I remember my impression of him from our online chats and I remember my first impression of him as he walked up the steps to say hello in front of the theater. I remember our first touch, as I held his hand in the dark… and I remember how he trembled. In the three years we’ve been together, I remember so many things, and I’m sure I’ve forgotten more than I should as well. But at the moment, I’m ok with that, because I still have him with me, at my side day by day, to remind me with his smile, his eyes, his touch, his gentleness and his love. For 45 years now I’ve been on this planet, and for the last three of those years, I’ve finally been shown what it is like to be loved completely, unashamedly and unselfishly. And so you find me here now, a bit dazed and confused at how all these blessings could actually be coming to me, but content in the knowledge that I am the luckiest and most blessed man on this earth.
Thank you Al. I love you too.
Needless to say, since time is still flyin', I must be havin' fun!!!
WOOF ya later!
~ bbw
Friday, June 29, 2007
06/29/2007 - GETTIN' AROUND...
I recently heard from someone that my partner Al and I have slept “with everyone”. I found the comment interesting because it came from someone I had never met. When I asked him where he’d heard such a thing, he quickly confessed the source and the puzzle began to fall into place.
It’s called drama, in this particular case, big gay drama! It’s like a particular kind of sport, sometimes practiced solo and sometimes fielded in teams. It is the sort of thing that gives the gay community a bad name and leaves a bad taste in the mouths of most decent folk of any orientation.
In Dallas, this sport has been elevated to the point where I wouldn’t be surprised to see a lobby to include it in the next Olympics! Gay Drama is a BIG DEAL in this town! There’s a certain amount of local pride attached that’s much akin to big hair, big oil, big steaks, big handbags, big trucks and the “help keep Dallas pretentious” t-shirts!
After hearing that I had slept with “everyone” I started to wonder if everyone knew. Surely they know – they were THERE weren’t they? I began to wonder if that meant I caught some shut-eye with them, or if it implied a sexual encounter with the entire global population. I chuckled to myself as I considered what kind of time it would take to actually have “close encounters” with just the local Dallas inhabitants, much less everyone everywhere!
At one point, I looked over at Al and asked him what he thought drove someone to say such a thing. Is it a slam against us, like calling us sluts? If so – why is this guy still calling and messaging us? Why is he still trying to get us to travel and visit him and have sex with him? Is he miffed because we haven’t done that? Who really knows? Who really cares? Obviously – I don’t give a hoot-n-nanny beyond just making casual observations about people and what motivates them.
So…
If you are reading this blog and you told someone that “Al and Robb sleep with everyone”, then this is about YOU.
If you didn’t say it – well then it’s about someone else.
If I’ve slept with you – consider yourself one of the lucky few (or many if you believe the other guy).
If I haven’t slept with you – but you want to – how in the hell did I miss you? Tell the other dude he’s wrong – I missed you! Then call me!
If I haven’t slept with you – and you’re still not interested – then quit reading my blog and go find some hot chick or dude you DO wanna make it with and try a line on them!
If I did sleep with you and you didn’t enjoy it – keep your friggin mouth shut! LOL
WOOF ya later!
~ bbw
It’s called drama, in this particular case, big gay drama! It’s like a particular kind of sport, sometimes practiced solo and sometimes fielded in teams. It is the sort of thing that gives the gay community a bad name and leaves a bad taste in the mouths of most decent folk of any orientation.
In Dallas, this sport has been elevated to the point where I wouldn’t be surprised to see a lobby to include it in the next Olympics! Gay Drama is a BIG DEAL in this town! There’s a certain amount of local pride attached that’s much akin to big hair, big oil, big steaks, big handbags, big trucks and the “help keep Dallas pretentious” t-shirts!
After hearing that I had slept with “everyone” I started to wonder if everyone knew. Surely they know – they were THERE weren’t they? I began to wonder if that meant I caught some shut-eye with them, or if it implied a sexual encounter with the entire global population. I chuckled to myself as I considered what kind of time it would take to actually have “close encounters” with just the local Dallas inhabitants, much less everyone everywhere!
At one point, I looked over at Al and asked him what he thought drove someone to say such a thing. Is it a slam against us, like calling us sluts? If so – why is this guy still calling and messaging us? Why is he still trying to get us to travel and visit him and have sex with him? Is he miffed because we haven’t done that? Who really knows? Who really cares? Obviously – I don’t give a hoot-n-nanny beyond just making casual observations about people and what motivates them.
So…
If you are reading this blog and you told someone that “Al and Robb sleep with everyone”, then this is about YOU.
If you didn’t say it – well then it’s about someone else.
If I’ve slept with you – consider yourself one of the lucky few (or many if you believe the other guy).
If I haven’t slept with you – but you want to – how in the hell did I miss you? Tell the other dude he’s wrong – I missed you! Then call me!
If I haven’t slept with you – and you’re still not interested – then quit reading my blog and go find some hot chick or dude you DO wanna make it with and try a line on them!
If I did sleep with you and you didn’t enjoy it – keep your friggin mouth shut! LOL
WOOF ya later!
~ bbw
06/29/2007 - SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT...
Honesty is the best policy… Really it is! The relationship I have with Al is based on complete and total honesty. That means we don’t lie to each other. It also means we don’t allow lies of omission. But that doesn’t mean we talk about everything. Not immediately anyway.There are times when I have thoughts, like little things that are bothering me. Not things about him, just things about life… things in general. And they are such small things that I feel they aren’t really worth mentioning to him – or maybe just not “right now” - whenever that is.
Other times I may just have a feeling or feelings that I don’t really understand myself. I may associate it with a “bad mood” but I really can’t articulate it. So how do you talk about something you can’t articulate? You just don’t. Sometimes, given more time and perspective, I grow into a better understanding and either the whole issue disappears or I get to a place where I CAN talk about it – and then I do.
Even with these kinds of understandings about myself, it still seems weird to me when I’m in those moments of non-communication, or non-verbal communication.
There have been times when Al and I will be in the same room catching up on email and chatting with friends online when I will come across a chat message from him that he sent either minutes or even seconds ago - and he’s sitting only a few feet or even inches away from me. On occasion I will respond to him verbally, but every so often I will respond with silent key strokes, as if he were a million miles away. And on some rare occasions, we have some rather deep, meaningful, yet silent, conversations that go on for a good length of time like this. With neither of us acknowledging the other in the room.
It’s as if there’s a wall of protection around me, or him, or both of us. I don’t really know what it feels like for him. But there’s an isolationist quality to it that feels somewhat familiar to me – and not altogether bad. I’ve always felt safest when people couldn’t touch me.
Usually these “distant” conversations will be about “little” things that we are feeling that aren’t big enough to come up in everyday conversation, but may have been nagging at the back or our minds and the tips of our tongues. Sometimes they are things that we consider non-issues – but we just want to put out there to clear the air. Dust we’ve swept under the rug that we want to put into the dustbin once and for all. Typically – the virtual conversations are sealed with a virtual kiss, but occasionally we also address each other in person later – expressing gratitude for having had the conversations in the first place and for keeping the lines of communication open – in any form.
In case I haven’t mentioned it here before… I’m a lucky guy.
Just thought you should know.
Hugz to you all, and
WOOF ya later!
~ bbw
Monday, May 14, 2007
05/14/2007 - MOVING ALONG...
Moving Day… First, it was later than originally planned, and now it seemed sooner than anticipated. After several weeks (or was it months) of renovations, Al and I moved back into the house last night. Even though we all have talked about it, and planned for it to happen… it will take some time to get used to everyone being under the same roof.
The fact that it was Mother’s day seemed a little “disjointed” as well, particularly since my wife did not feel she was shown enough attention or appreciation by myself or her children. So the day was off to a rocky start. But, you know… life is like that sometimes.
It was a good, productive weekend all in all. We finally got my daughter’s new bed together and found her some new bedding. When we got everything in her room it was really stunning. Now we need to get her room painted. We also got the bed in my wife’s room this weekend and the new bedding on there. We just painted her room and shampooed the carpets and moved in the furniture so that room is completely transformed! It looks fantastic.
There’s still a good bit of work to do throughout the house and garage – but now that we are there, it will be easier to schedule.
I had a hard time getting to sleep last night. Part of it was just being keyed up from working non-stop right up to bed-time. I didn’t do anything to “wind down” first and so my mind was still going a mile-a-minute when I laid down. Then it was getting used to the different sounds of the house. All of them familiar to me, but also different that what I had gotten used to at the apartment. I did finally fall asleep sometime between 2 and 3 am.
A big part of it too is that ’m never really at-ease around clutter. Right now, with us in transition, and the house still being worked on, there are things EVERYWHERE! And that kind of environment for some reason fills me with nervous energy. I guess that makes a good case for Feng Shui. I hope I can get the house in good order before my son’s graduation in two weeks. If not – I might be a nervous wreck by then. That would not be good for ANYONE!
I realize that life is also about making things happen. So, I know to have the type of environment I need in order to feel a sense of peace, I have to make it happen. I’m going to have to put forth whatever effort is required to get the clutter either packed away, thrown away or given away so that it does not have a negative effect on me. Big words coming from a pack-rat like me!
So, in the days and weeks ahead of me, I think I’ve got my work cut out for me. Let’s see… there’s more packing, more moving, more unpacking, more sorting, more tossing, more trashing, more donating, more shuffling, more storing, more painting, more spackling, more hanging, more folding, more sweeping, more more more more… there’s just a bunch to do!
Lucky for me – I’m surrounded by wonderful family, friends, and a soon-to-be peacefully un-cluttered home environment! I wish the same for all of you!
WOOF ya later!
~ bbw
The fact that it was Mother’s day seemed a little “disjointed” as well, particularly since my wife did not feel she was shown enough attention or appreciation by myself or her children. So the day was off to a rocky start. But, you know… life is like that sometimes.
It was a good, productive weekend all in all. We finally got my daughter’s new bed together and found her some new bedding. When we got everything in her room it was really stunning. Now we need to get her room painted. We also got the bed in my wife’s room this weekend and the new bedding on there. We just painted her room and shampooed the carpets and moved in the furniture so that room is completely transformed! It looks fantastic.
There’s still a good bit of work to do throughout the house and garage – but now that we are there, it will be easier to schedule.
I had a hard time getting to sleep last night. Part of it was just being keyed up from working non-stop right up to bed-time. I didn’t do anything to “wind down” first and so my mind was still going a mile-a-minute when I laid down. Then it was getting used to the different sounds of the house. All of them familiar to me, but also different that what I had gotten used to at the apartment. I did finally fall asleep sometime between 2 and 3 am.
A big part of it too is that ’m never really at-ease around clutter. Right now, with us in transition, and the house still being worked on, there are things EVERYWHERE! And that kind of environment for some reason fills me with nervous energy. I guess that makes a good case for Feng Shui. I hope I can get the house in good order before my son’s graduation in two weeks. If not – I might be a nervous wreck by then. That would not be good for ANYONE!
I realize that life is also about making things happen. So, I know to have the type of environment I need in order to feel a sense of peace, I have to make it happen. I’m going to have to put forth whatever effort is required to get the clutter either packed away, thrown away or given away so that it does not have a negative effect on me. Big words coming from a pack-rat like me!
So, in the days and weeks ahead of me, I think I’ve got my work cut out for me. Let’s see… there’s more packing, more moving, more unpacking, more sorting, more tossing, more trashing, more donating, more shuffling, more storing, more painting, more spackling, more hanging, more folding, more sweeping, more more more more… there’s just a bunch to do!
Lucky for me – I’m surrounded by wonderful family, friends, and a soon-to-be peacefully un-cluttered home environment! I wish the same for all of you!
WOOF ya later!
~ bbw
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
05/01/2007 - JIMMY CRACKED CORN...
The following opinion is attributed to an anonymous New Jersey housewife. I tend to agree with her sentiment and thought I would share it here.
Are we fighting a war on terror or aren't we? Was it or was it not started by Islamic people who brought it to our shores on September 11, 2001? Were people from all over the world, mostly Americans, not brutally murdered that day, in downtown Manhattan, across the Potomac from our nation's' capitol and in a field in Pennsylvania? Did nearly three thousand men, women and children die a horrible, burning or crushing death that day, or didn't they?
And I'm supposed to care that a copy of the Koran was "desecrated" when an overworked American soldier kicked it or got it wet?...Well, I don't. I don't care at all. I'll start caring when Osama bin Laden turns himself in and repents for Incinerating all those innocent people on 9/11. I'll care about the Koran when the fanatics in the Middle East start caring about the Holy Bible, the mere possession of which is a crime in Saudi Arabia. I'll care when these thugs tell the world they are sorry for hacking off Nick Berg's head while Berg screamed through his gurgling slashed throat. I'll care when the cowardly so-called "insurgents" in Iraq come out and fight like men instead of disrespecting their own religion by hiding in mosques. I'll care when the mindless zealots who blow themselves up in search of Nirvana care about the innocent children within range of their suicide bombs. I'll care when the American media stops pretending that their First Amendment liberties are somehow derived from international law instead of the United States Constitution's Bill of Rights.
In the meantime, when I hear a story about a brave marine roughing up an Iraqi terrorist to obtain information, know this: I don't care. When I see a fuzzy photo of a pile of naked Iraqi prisoners who have been humiliated in what amounts to a college-hazing incident, rest assured: I don't care. When I see a wounded terrorist get shot in the head when he is told not to move because he might be booby-trapped, you can take it to the bank: I don't care. When I hear that a prisoner, who was issued a Koran and a prayer mat, and fed "special" food that is paid for by my tax dollars, is complaining that his holy book is being "mishandled," you can absolutely believe in your heart of hearts: I don't care. And oh, by the way, I've noticed that sometimes it's spelled "Koran" and other times "Quran." Well, Jimmy Crack Corn and - you guessed it - I don't care ! ! ! ! !
If you agree with this viewpoint, pass this on to all your e-mail friends. Sooner or later, it'll get to the people responsible for this ridiculous behavior! If you don't agree, then by all means hit the delete button. Should you choose the latter, then please don't complain when more atrocities committed by radical Muslims happen here in our great country!
A few last thoughts:
"Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference in the world. But, the Marines don't have that problem." -- Ronald Reagan
"If we ever forget that we're One Nation Under God, then we will be a nation gone under." -- Ronald Reagan
Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you. One is Jesus Christ, the other is the American G. I.. The first died for your soul, the other for your freedom.
In case we find ourselves starting to believe all the anti-American sentiment and negativity, we should remember England's Prime Minister Tony Blair's words during a recent interview. When asked by one of his Parliament members why he believes so much in America, he said: "A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in... And how many want out."
WOOF ya later!
~ bbw
Are we fighting a war on terror or aren't we? Was it or was it not started by Islamic people who brought it to our shores on September 11, 2001? Were people from all over the world, mostly Americans, not brutally murdered that day, in downtown Manhattan, across the Potomac from our nation's' capitol and in a field in Pennsylvania? Did nearly three thousand men, women and children die a horrible, burning or crushing death that day, or didn't they?
And I'm supposed to care that a copy of the Koran was "desecrated" when an overworked American soldier kicked it or got it wet?...Well, I don't. I don't care at all. I'll start caring when Osama bin Laden turns himself in and repents for Incinerating all those innocent people on 9/11. I'll care about the Koran when the fanatics in the Middle East start caring about the Holy Bible, the mere possession of which is a crime in Saudi Arabia. I'll care when these thugs tell the world they are sorry for hacking off Nick Berg's head while Berg screamed through his gurgling slashed throat. I'll care when the cowardly so-called "insurgents" in Iraq come out and fight like men instead of disrespecting their own religion by hiding in mosques. I'll care when the mindless zealots who blow themselves up in search of Nirvana care about the innocent children within range of their suicide bombs. I'll care when the American media stops pretending that their First Amendment liberties are somehow derived from international law instead of the United States Constitution's Bill of Rights.
In the meantime, when I hear a story about a brave marine roughing up an Iraqi terrorist to obtain information, know this: I don't care. When I see a fuzzy photo of a pile of naked Iraqi prisoners who have been humiliated in what amounts to a college-hazing incident, rest assured: I don't care. When I see a wounded terrorist get shot in the head when he is told not to move because he might be booby-trapped, you can take it to the bank: I don't care. When I hear that a prisoner, who was issued a Koran and a prayer mat, and fed "special" food that is paid for by my tax dollars, is complaining that his holy book is being "mishandled," you can absolutely believe in your heart of hearts: I don't care. And oh, by the way, I've noticed that sometimes it's spelled "Koran" and other times "Quran." Well, Jimmy Crack Corn and - you guessed it - I don't care ! ! ! ! !
If you agree with this viewpoint, pass this on to all your e-mail friends. Sooner or later, it'll get to the people responsible for this ridiculous behavior! If you don't agree, then by all means hit the delete button. Should you choose the latter, then please don't complain when more atrocities committed by radical Muslims happen here in our great country!
A few last thoughts:
"Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference in the world. But, the Marines don't have that problem." -- Ronald Reagan
"If we ever forget that we're One Nation Under God, then we will be a nation gone under." -- Ronald Reagan
Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you. One is Jesus Christ, the other is the American G. I.. The first died for your soul, the other for your freedom.
In case we find ourselves starting to believe all the anti-American sentiment and negativity, we should remember England's Prime Minister Tony Blair's words during a recent interview. When asked by one of his Parliament members why he believes so much in America, he said: "A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in... And how many want out."
WOOF ya later!
~ bbw
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
04/18/2007 - GOOD MANNERS...
During her daily class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asked some of her male students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a dinner date with a nice young lady, how would you excuse yourself and let her know that you have to go to the restroom?
Michael said, "Just a minute, I have to go pee."
The teacher informed him that it would be rude and impolite to use such vulgar and common language. She turned to another boy.
"What about you Peter?” She asked, “How would you say it?"
Peter said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."
"That's better.” The teacher encouraged, “But it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom to a lady or at the dinner table."
Obviously frustrated, she turned to little Johnny, who had his hand raised and a twinkle in his eye. She didn’t particularly care for him but she was at her wit’s end with the boys so she thought she’d give him a chance. “And you, little Johnny?” She asked, “Can you use your brain for once and show us all some good manners?"
“Why sure, Ma’am” was Johnny’s reply. "I would say; Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to go shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I sincerely hope you will get to meet later after dinner."
The teacher fainted.
WOOF ya later!
~ bbw
"Michael, if you were on a dinner date with a nice young lady, how would you excuse yourself and let her know that you have to go to the restroom?
Michael said, "Just a minute, I have to go pee."
The teacher informed him that it would be rude and impolite to use such vulgar and common language. She turned to another boy.
"What about you Peter?” She asked, “How would you say it?"
Peter said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."
"That's better.” The teacher encouraged, “But it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom to a lady or at the dinner table."
Obviously frustrated, she turned to little Johnny, who had his hand raised and a twinkle in his eye. She didn’t particularly care for him but she was at her wit’s end with the boys so she thought she’d give him a chance. “And you, little Johnny?” She asked, “Can you use your brain for once and show us all some good manners?"
“Why sure, Ma’am” was Johnny’s reply. "I would say; Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to go shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I sincerely hope you will get to meet later after dinner."
The teacher fainted.
WOOF ya later!
~ bbw
Thursday, March 22, 2007
03/22/2007 - CHANGES LOOMING...
To say that I’ve been unbelievably busy in the past few months would be an understatement. Often I’ve simply been overwhelmed! In some ways it’s a reflection of things going well in my life. But, I’ve also had some soul-stretching times that have had me re-evaluating where I am and where I want to be, particularly in my professional life.Personally, I have not felt my best. I’ve been dealing with health issues since the beginning of the year, but they aren’t the kind where you can just go to the doctor for a pill and then everything gets better. They are much more vague than that. I’ve had a record number of headaches and my stomach issues have just run rampant. I can logically link most of it to stress – usually about work, but that doesn’t bring me any closer to a solution.
After weeks of daily neck pain and migraines, I got referred to a specialist who ended up having some good and innovative ideas about healthcare, but ultimately, I never felt comfortable with him or his associates and office staff, and I’m looking forward to getting back to my doctor. That’s one less stress I have to deal with! I have begun to improve since the end of February.
I’ve been working together with my boyfriend Al quite a bit on renovating my house. I’ve spent way too much money and there is still so much work to be done, but finally we are out of the “planning” and “talking” stages and into the “doing” stage – so that in itself brings about a real sense of accomplishment! I have Al to thank for encouraging me and gently “pushing” me to actually move forward with the work. The house and yard really needed the work too! My wife and kids are not very handy with that kind of upkeep and it was depressing for me to see the condition of the house every time I went over there. I can already see a huge difference and we are only now getting started!
On the professional front, changes at work have had me jumping through hoops as I’ve been through three management changes in the past few months. Through each change I’ve come to discover more and more that I really do not enjoy what I’m doing at my company anymore. I’ve migrated so far away from where I started and from what my expertise is that I’m having to learn an entirely new vocabulary and way of thinking. That in itself is not a bad thing, but my upper management has expectations that I know everything as if I’ve done this job for years. The pressure has been unbearable at times and this is the most unhappy I have been in my 8 plus years with this company. Perhaps it is time for a change. I’m dusting off the resume, so who knows what the future has in store. I’m keeping my eyes and ears open.
With all the pressures of work and the time spent working on house projects, and my health issues, I have neglected to take care of things like working out and eating properly. So my energy level isn’t where it should be and I find myself in a cycle of being really busy and getting a lot of things done – followed by crashing at the end of the day where I don’t want to move and I really just want to veg or sleep. Which is all well and good if I was single, but I’m not. So add to my list above – the stress of feeling like I’m not meeting the needs of my partner (even when he says that I do).
Whew! That’s a long-winded way to tell you why I haven’t blogged in a while! But honestly – I wanted to just let you know that I’ve been busy – and now you know a little bit about why and what I’ve been up to!
So – now that you’re up to speed, I have to say that all in all, life is very good! My children are healthy for the most part and are just as wonderful as ever! My wife is working on improving her life and on being a happy independent woman and we still love and support each other. Al and I feel so blessed to have each other in this life and in this world. The relationships we have and the new ones we continue to form make us stronger, happier and wealthier people!
WOOF ya later!
~ bbw
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
