12/16/2009 - GROW UP, ALREADY...

I could have just left it alone. And for the most part, I did. I let the media run their circus and I just stayed out of it. Reserving most of my thoughts and opinions and holding them to myself. If you know me at all – you know that’s not simple task! But in this case it was especially important because it was a crucial topic to me personally, and because the media (as usual) rushed to the presses with every little bit of factual and/or fictional detail they could scrounge.

Something bad happened to Rihanna and Christopher “Chris” Maurice (really?) Brown, and from the very earliest reports, it looked a LOT like a domestic abuse case in which Chris brutally and viciously attacked the professed love of his life, injuring her physically and traumatizing her emotionally before leaving her on the side of the road and rushing off to hide.

Today we have a much fuller picture of the events and we know that Chris did indeed do all of the things I listed, and more. Much more. He went so far as to threaten her very life, and who knows, given any slight change in circumstance, like say – she didn’t have a cell phone… he may have carried out that threat. But let’s not suppose anything more than we know. He beat her, bit her and left her injured and dazed on the side of a dark road at night, bleeding and helpless and then he ran to hide.

Then Rihanna files a police report in which she is required to give as much detail as possible, no matter how excruciating it is for her to have to remember or relive, in order for the authorities to get an accurate account of the events both during the attack, but also leading up to and immediately after the attack.

What does Chris do – he waits a few days and then comes forward to answer questions and “just to clear things up” and clear his name, since obviously the media has things wrong and have blown things way out of proportion. At some point, Chris also gives a generic apology online to his fans and the public.

Moving forward, Chris displays some moderate amount of what I’ll call “generic” remorse, still not coming clean and manning up to the fact that he beat the crap out of his girlfriend, and mentions that he is seeking the counsel of his pastor and family and friends. Awww – how nice, how almost sweet, how… what’s the word I’m searching for… whitebread!

In court he enters a plea of guilty (ya think?!) for a felony assault and gets a paltry 5 year probationary sentence. So guess what... Chris Brown is still out on the streets and just released a new album. Which brings me to the entire reason for this blog and why I can no longer hold my tongue.

Chris is not happy with his album sales, and he feels that he is being black-balled by the industry. He has himself reported on Twitter that he’s going into stores to see if they are stocking his CD on their shelves – and when he doesn’t find them – he asks for the manager because he doesn’t think that’s fair. The one instance Chris cites on Twitter about a Walmart where the manager said they didn’t have any of his CD’s is almost funny because Chris goes OFF – and in fact the reason the Walmart didn’t have any was because they had already sold out. The store manager was not aware of this fact. Perhaps Chris should have talked to someone in electronics!

But to Chris’ point – there have been other reports where his Fans have gone into stores and been told by managers that not only are the new CDs not on the shelves, but that they will never be stocked and in fact the stores won’t be carrying any more Chris Brown music. Now the fans and Chris are all in a tizzy and screaming about unfairness and blackballing and WHAAA WHAAA WHAAA!

And so, for you Mr. Christopher Maurice Brown, I have these four words – GROW THE FUCK UP!

In addition, the last time I checked this was still the United States of America. And being such, you have the right to cry and whine all you want. But guess what, stores have the right to stock the products they want to sell. Or, in this case, the right to NOT stock something they don’t want to sell. Just like it is my personal right to buy or NOT buy your CD. Does this make them bad stores, bad managers or bad people? I don’t think so. Some people have a strong sense of indignation for domestic abuse and those that perpetrate it. They may feel especially incensed when the person who causes such violence really never comes out and accepts the responsibility for what they did and takes their punishment like a real man. They may just not have a lot of warm fuzzies for someone like you Mr. Brown. You should count yourself very VERY lucky that you did not end up in prison. I doubt seriously if you would last a day in the joint with even half the poise and dignity that your ex-girlfriend and abuse survivor has done after getting away from you! Or – perhaps these shop managers and business owners feel this is their “own little way” of speaking out against domestic abuse, sort of like a personal protest or boycott. Guess what, if enough people feel that way, you may find yourself some day, working at Walmart and asking “paper or plastic?”.

So think about it. Dood - you got lucky. You and Rihanna both got lucky! You both have a chance to start over and do things right. It appears she is making the most of her 2nd chance. Yet, it appears as though you haven’t learned a thing! Remember, the world doesn’t owe you anything. You are too old to blame your behavior on being a “kid” and too old to blame mommy and daddy! You are in the world now as a man – so please, start acting like one. No – scratch that. You have been “acting” - start BEING a man! In the long run you will be a more fulfilled person, a more prolific and satisfied/satisfying artist and your future girlfriends/fiancée/wife will be much much safer.

With love and respect, I wish you peace and good luck.

To the rest of us – may we learn from our own past mistakes, as well as the mistakes of others, for we are never so different from our brothers.

WOOF ya later!
~ bbw

12/01/2009 - WORLD AIDS DAY...

AIDS and HIV... so much more than mere letters, because when we string them together just so, we attach to them things like fear, shame, scorn, stigma, judgment, apathy and hate. Yes, I'm still astounded that we can so easily turn away from, or that we can hate someone just because they utter the letters H I V...

My view of reality is that we are all living with AIDS and HIV. Some of us may choose to deny or ignore it, but that does not remove it from the world, our world. It surrounds us - whether in our own blood, or in the blood of our loved ones, our friends, our neighbors, our co-workers or strangers that pass us by every day. AIDS and HIV is strung through the fabric of our world making that fabric weak in some areas, and stronger in others.

I've never had to sit and cry with a friend as he or she first received the news from their doctor, though they know I would. I've never had to sit with a friend and watch them breathe their last breath, because I've been fortunate enough to have seen them improve and return home. But I have seen the scared and then surprised look on far too many faces, who, after working up the nerve to tell me they were HIV positive, couldn't believe that I loved them even more for telling me, and then embraced them tightly to assure them I was not afraid, and hope maybe they could be a little less afraid too.

My tears have thus far been limited to sorrow for those who have been lost far too soon, and whom I never got to know fully, and my tears of anger for those who use hate and ignorance to fuel their lives, their vocations, and their words when they speak about AIDS and HIV.

I read an article a couple years ago about a preacher’s wife who supported AIDS efforts in Africa. Although her husband and the church did not fully support her, but only humored her in this endeavor, the article painted her a hero. I was all good with this until I read a quote from the woman. She said she struggled with her calling until reaching a point she terms “a surrender to God” as she realized that AIDS “wasn't just a gay disease.” This quote stunned me as I realized the only reason she answered the plight of those people dying from AIDS in Africa, was that she realized they were not gay! So, had she not realized that AIDS wasn’t just a gay disease – those poor African’s, and God for that matter, would just have had to make do without her help! A hero? Not quite. That woman is Kay Warren, wife of Rick Warren, pastor of Saddleback Valley Community Church in Southern California, one of the most influential evangelical churches in the United States. Yes, I have cried tears of sorrow and anger. And yes, sometimes I still do.

But for me today, AIDS and HIV is not about tears, fear, shame, scorn, hate or any of those negatives we can so quickly attach. Today I think we can look to progress, and acceptance, healing and love. There will still be hard times. There will ALWAYS be hard times. But we don’t get through those times by embracing the negativity of things. We must embrace the positives in this life. We must accept what we have before us and truly make the best of life with it. And we must help to make sure that no one is left to do that alone.

I have a partner. I am loved. He and I are thankful for each day, each moment we have together and we have made it a part of our life’s mission as it is our passion, to reach out to others and let them know they are not alone and that each day can get better. Remember, in this world, in this life, in this time, we ALL have AIDS, we ALL have HIV! Let’s deal with it… together.

WOOF ya later!

~ bbw

10/25/2009 - A MANIFESTO: PASS IT ON...

I believe John Spong, a straight, retired bishop from Newark, NJ, is an excellent example of a theologian who "gets it". I have served as an ordained deacon in my own church and have been a part of religious debates and witch-hunts as well as seen the bible used to twist words and to twist the minds of people and turn them against others. I had come to the same conclusion as Mr. Spong a few years ago. I will no longer participate! Those churches and people who do not follow or teach the ALL INCLUSIVE love of Christ - have no place in this world or in my life. Please read this letter from Bishop Spong and pass it on to everyone on your contact list.

A Manifesto! The Time Has Come!
I have made a decision. I will no longer debate the issue of homosexuality in the church with anyone. I will no longer engage the biblical ignorance that emanates from so many right-wing Christians about how the Bible condemns homosexuality, as if that point of view still has any credibility. I will no longer discuss with them or listen to them tell me how homosexuality is "an abomination to God," about how homosexuality is a "chosen lifestyle," or about how through prayer and "spiritual counseling" homosexual persons can be "cured." Those arguments are no longer worthy of my time or energy. I will no longer dignify by listening to the thoughts of those who advocate "reparative therapy," as if homosexual persons are somehow broken and need to be repaired. I will no longer talk to those who believe that the unity of the church can or should be achieved by rejecting the presence of, or at least at the expense of, gay and lesbian people. I will no longer take the time to refute the unlearned and undocumentable claims of certain world religious leaders who call homosexuality "deviant." I will no longer listen to that pious sentimentality that certain Christian leaders continue to employ, which suggests some version of that strange and overtly dishonest phrase that "we love the sinner but hate the sin." That statement is, I have concluded, nothing more than a self-serving lie designed to cover the fact that these people hate homosexual persons and fear homosexuality itself, but somehow know that hatred is incompatible with the Christ they claim to profess, so they adopt this face-saving and absolutely false statement. I will no longer temper my understanding of truth in order to pretend that I have even a tiny smidgen of respect for the appalling negativity that continues to emanate from religious circles where the church has for centuries conveniently perfumed its ongoing prejudices against blacks, Jews, women and homosexual persons with what it assumes is "high-sounding, pious rhetoric." The day for that mentality has quite simply come to an end for me. I will personally neither tolerate it nor listen to it any longer. The world has moved on, leaving these elements of the Christian Church that cannot adjust to new knowledge or a new consciousness lost in a sea of their own irrelevance. They no longer talk to anyone but themselves. I will no longer seek to slow down the witness to inclusiveness by pretending that there is some middle ground between prejudice and oppression. There isn't. Justice postponed is justice denied. That can be a resting place no longer for anyone. An old civil rights song proclaimed that the only choice awaiting those who cannot adjust to a new understanding was to "Roll on over or we'll roll on over you!" Time waits for no one.

I will particularly ignore those members of my own Episcopal Church who seek to break away from this body to form a "new church," claiming that this new and bigoted instrument alone now represents the Anglican Communion. Such a new ecclesiastical body is designed to allow these pathetic human beings, who are so deeply locked into a world that no longer exists, to form a community in which they can continue to hate gay people, distort gay people with their hopeless rhetoric and to be part of a religious fellowship in which they can continue to feel justified in their homophobic prejudices for the rest of their tortured lives. Church unity can never be a virtue that is preserved by allowing injustice, oppression and psychological tyranny to go unchallenged.

In my personal life, I will no longer listen to televised debates conducted by "fair-minded" channels that seek to give "both sides" of this issue "equal time." I am aware that these stations no longer give equal time to the advocates of treating women as if they are the property of men or to the advocates of reinstating either segregation or slavery, despite the fact that when these evil institutions were coming to an end the Bible was still being quoted frequently on each of these subjects. It is time for the media to announce that there are no longer two sides to the issue of full humanity for gay and lesbian people. There is no way that justice for homosexual people can be compromised any longer.

I will no longer act as if the Papal office is to be respected if the present occupant of that office is either not willing or not able to inform and educate himself on public issues on which he dares to speak with embarrassing ineptitude. I will no longer be respectful of the leadership of the Archbishop of Canterbury, who seems to believe that rude behavior, intolerance and even killing prejudice is somehow acceptable, so long as it comes from third-world religious leaders, who more than anything else reveal in themselves the price that colonial oppression has required of the minds and hearts of so many of our world's population. I see no way that ignorance and truth can be placed side by side, nor do I believe that evil is somehow less evil if the Bible is quoted to justify it. I will dismiss as unworthy of any more of my attention the wild, false and uninformed opinions of such would-be religious leaders as Pat Robertson, James Dobson, Jerry Falwell, Jimmy Swaggart, Albert Mohler, and Robert Duncan. My country and my church have both already spent too much time, energy and money trying to accommodate these backward points of view when they are no longer even tolerable.

I make these statements because it is time to move on. The battle is over. The victory has been won. There is no reasonable doubt as to what the final outcome of this struggle will be. Homosexual people will be accepted as equal, full human beings, who have a legitimate claim on every right that both church and society have to offer any of us. Homosexual marriages will become legal, recognized by the state and pronounced holy by the church. "Don't ask, don't tell" will be dismantled as the policy of our armed forces. We will and we must learn that equality of citizenship is not something that should ever be submitted to a referendum. Equality under and before the law is a solemn promise conveyed to all our citizens in the Constitution itself. Can any of us imagine having a public referendum on whether slavery should continue, whether segregation should be dismantled, whether voting privileges should be offered to women? The time has come for politicians to stop hiding behind unjust laws that they themselves helped to enact, and to abandon that convenient shield of demanding a vote on the rights of full citizenship because they do not understand the difference between a constitutional democracy, which this nation has, and a "mobocracy," which this nation rejected when it adopted its constitution. We do not put the civil rights of a minority to the vote of a plebiscite.

I will also no longer act as if I need a majority vote of some ecclesiastical body in order to bless, ordain, recognize and celebrate the lives and gifts of gay and lesbian people in the life of the church. No one should ever again be forced to submit the privilege of citizenship in this nation or membership in the Christian Church to the will of a majority vote.

The battle in both our culture and our church to rid our souls of this dying prejudice is finished. A new consciousness has arisen. A decision has quite clearly been made. Inequality for gay and lesbian people is no longer a debatable issue in either church or state. Therefore, I will from this moment on refuse to dignify the continued public expression of ignorant prejudice by engaging it. I do not tolerate racism or sexism any longer. From this moment on, I will no longer tolerate our culture's various forms of homophobia. I do not care who it is who articulates these attitudes or who tries to make them sound holy with religious jargon.

I have been part of this debate for years, but things do get settled and this issue is now settled for me. I do not debate any longer with members of the "Flat Earth Society" either. I do not debate with people who think we should treat epilepsy by casting demons out of the epileptic person; I do not waste time engaging those medical opinions that suggest that bleeding the patient might release the infection. I do not converse with people who think that Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans as punishment for the sin of being the birthplace of Ellen DeGeneres or that the terrorists hit the United Sates on 9/11 because we tolerated homosexual people, abortions, feminism or the American Civil Liberties Union. I am tired of being embarrassed by so much of my church's participation in causes that are quite unworthy of the Christ I serve or the God whose mystery and wonder I appreciate more each day. Indeed I feel the Christian Church should not only apologize, but do public penance for the way we have treated people of color, women, adherents of other religions and those we designated heretics, as well as gay and lesbian people.

Life moves on. As the poet James Russell Lowell once put it more than a century ago: "New occasions teach new duties, Time makes ancient good uncouth." I am ready now to claim the victory. I will from now on assume it and live into it. I am unwilling to argue about it or to discuss it as if there are two equally valid, competing positions any longer. The day for that mentality has simply gone forever.

This is my manifesto and my creed. I proclaim it today. I invite others to join me in this public declaration. I believe that such a public outpouring will help cleanse both the church and this nation of its own distorting past. It will restore integrity and honor to both church and state. It will signal that a new day has dawned and we are ready not just to embrace it, but also to rejoice in it and to celebrate it.

– John Shelby Spong

PASS IT ON...

WOOF ya later!
~ bbw

05/02/2009 - MOVING FORWARD...

It's odd, but I was thinking the other day as I pondered my upbringing and life with my mom and dad and brother - and I came to the conclusion that they have had a profound impact on my life - but not necessarily a very positive one. I came away with this thought...

I've never come across a mountain laying across the path in front of me that I haven't been able to cross or find my way around, but it's always the valleys behind me that keep dragging me down.

There's something profound in those words. And pondering this one thought further - and discussing it with my partner and lifemate - it has led me to another thought...

I must live my life going forward from this point with new eyes... wide open

To Al - I love you Al-ways!

WOOF ya later!
~ bbw

02/17/2009 - THE JOY AND THE PAIN...

Judging from this blog, it may seem as if my life has been uneventful as of late. Trust me – don’t let my lack of blogging deceive you! Things have been plenty busy!

I notice that my last entry was July 7, 2008. That was the day after my father’s birthday last year. I went back and glanced over my writing to get a sense of what was going on at that point last Summer. I laughed to myself a little remembering the events that led to me writing that blog. I also thought it a little odd that I never even mentioned my dad’s birthday. But then again – maybe it was just an indicator of things to come…

THE JOY
Like I already mentioned, a LOT has gone on since July 7 of last year. I’m just coming off of a WONDERFUL Valentine’s weekend that was preceded by an INCREDIBLE birthday “Season”! It almost seemed like Christmas was extended because Al’s birthday came almost immediately after New Year and then my birthday was right around the corner! And in the meantime we found the time to take a cruise to Cozumel, Mexico! What a splendid way to begin a new year!

Last week, my daughter took me out for a “date”, just the two of us, like we used to do for Valentine’s when she was little. This was more for my birthday, and she took me out – but it was very special, and we hadn’t had time alone like that in a VERY long time. I think we will need to plan that more often.

I’ve been thinking about taking a trip with my son, just he and I, probably next year when he has some time off from school. I did that with my daughter when we went to New York during her Senior year in high school, but he never really got a trip like that. Next year there are no kids graduating so money should be easier to save, and I think he would enjoy a trip where it’s more about him!

Some other things that have happened since last July…well one of the biggest is that my divorce was finally settled and finalized! WOO HOO! I’d like to say it was a completely amicable event from start to finish – but I’ll just say that the divorce ended in a better place than it started. I’m glad to have that part of my life behind me and I look forward to focusing on building a brighter future with Al.

THE PAIN
But even in paradise, not everything is perfect all the time. I’d like to say that every aspect of my life is rosy and now that I’m out of a marriage that was unhealthy and unfulfilling, the universe has re-aligned and hate and bigotry, ignorance and intolerance have just melted away – but if I said that, you would probably have me locked up – and heavily medicated!

The element of this that hits me closest to home is my father. When he came down for my son’s graduation in 2007, he acted like a complete ass. This is no different than the man I’ve known him to be my entire life. But now his “assness” seemed to have more focus – more purpose. He let me know ahead of time he did not want any part of my “other” life and when he got here, he acted like Al did not exist and made it a very public point to pay for my ex-wife’s meals and for my kids – but not for mine or Al’s. I never said a word, but let his behavior speak for itself. Since then, he’s written me Christmas and Birthday cards and aside from tons of junk email, sent me maybe 2 emails in almost 2 years, and mentioned that he doesn’t hear from me often. At the risk of seriously going-off on the man, I’ve chosen to ignore his comment and just continue to thank him for his cards (addressed only to me) and his gifts (checks at Christmas and Birthdays).

What has irked me most is that he still tries to give me parenting advice! His last email advised me to do what’s best for my kids. As if I would do something OTHER than that? The issue I have is that HE never raised any children. He brought home a paycheck and let my mother do ALL of the child rearing. He watched television and went hunting and fishing, and IF we were to go fishing with him, we were not allowed to speak (or even whisper) because that would scare the fish. However – slaps to the head and our crying apparently had no effect on fish-fears whatsoever!

I’m very tempted to reply to his latest email and tell him that it’s not too late for him to follow his own advice. But then again, maybe it is… I have decided it is birthday and Christmas cards only for him from now on. Father’s Day cards are reserved from men who were actually Fathers – not just sperm donors and paycheck providers.

In the meantime, I’ll work on my attitude.
You work on loving everyone around you!

WOOF ya later!
~ bbw

07/07/2008 – FUNNY WORLD…

What a funny world we live in, filled with funny people. And by “funny” in this context, I mean “odd”.

I’ve often said “It takes all kinds”, but you know what, I’m not sure that ALL kinds are really required. I’m almost certain that there are certain kinds of folks we can do without. In fact, the world might most assuredly be a better place without some types of people. But who wants to be the one to pick who stays and who goes? Well… not me. Not yet anyway.

But that’s not really the point is it. It’s not the actual person – it’s the behavior that is really at issue. It leaves us wondering – WHY do people act like that? WHAT makes a person do that, or say that? But with some people it is hard to separate their identity from their behavior. HOW they are is so intensely related to WHO they are. And I guess that is the basis for how we relate to others. Why we like or dislike someone. We may not REALLY know them, so we judge them based on HOW they come across. That’s really an interesting thing for me to ponder.

Yesterday was the end of a long, fun, tiring holiday weekend for my partner and I. We spent four days and evenings of non-stop running around, traveling to visit friends, going to pool parties, barbecues, softball tournaments, time with family and wrapped it up with a going away party for friends who are moving out of state. When we finally got home Sunday night, unpacked the car, got the laundry going, fed the dog, checked the mail and sat down to check email, we were truly exhausted.

As I cleared my inbox I found an item in my junk-mail box that was appropriately filtered from an address I did not recognize. It was from someone (a guy I have to assume based on the contents of the email) who had been to my blog here and was commenting back to me. By the way, he did not identify himself in the email, but rather, chose to remain anonymous. What was even more odd, is that his translation of what he read in my blog was almost unrecognizable. In addition to taking what I wrote way out of context, this person proceeded to relate to me that he had “been with me” in the past and also with my partner under very “questionable” circumstances. The entire tone was “I’m letting you know I’ve been with you both without the other one knowing… and guess what – this is what we did!”

Now, I’ve encountered people in the past who, for some reason, make it their objective to bust up relationships, for whatever reason. I can’t say I understand it, and I didn’t used to believe it. In fact I used to have an acquaintance who I spoke with on a regular basis both before I was partnered and after, who I was later warned, had tried to break up three other couples I know. I kind of just brushed off this warning as a misunderstanding, but then I heard it again, and again – with pretty concrete examples of what the guy would do. So, for whatever reason, there are people who do this sort of thing. So when I read the email, I just replied back that I have no idea who he is, I seriously doubt that either one of us had been with him and if either had – certainly NOT under the circumstance he described. And then I let it go. I didn’t even bother my partner with it. I knew he was tired and we would talk about it later anyway.

What I didn’t know was that my partner also received an email from this guy – with pretty much the same intentions, but with a different story line. In the note to my partner, there’s no mention of him ever meeting my partner. Instead, he states he met me and then describes things that, if he really knew me, he would know would NEVER have occurred. So my partner asks me if I recognized this email address, and I tell him yes and then I read him the one I received and my reply back. We just looked at each other and kind of laughed because we figured here’s another one of THOSE people; someone who, for some reason, is trying to cause trouble for others. Luckily for us, we don’t get caught up in other people’s drama, and we don’t let them lead us around with their stories - especially some chicken-shit who sends an anonymous email. What is up with that?

So, whether it’s some cheesy sleaze who has nothing better to do than hide behind his anonymous email and make up stories, or some vertically-challenged low class horn-dog from the past with a history of cheating on his partner who messages my partner with the story of how he and I first met, hoping desperately and in vain, for an invitation to our bed, my partner and I have the type of relationship and communication that allows us to smile at this funny world, with all it’s beauty, comedy, and yes, even the oddities, because we know our love is stronger when we are together.

May you also find strength in honesty and love

WOOF ya later!
~ bbw

06/25/2008 – HOLLOWED & BURNED...

My blog today was intended to be something vastly different. Something much lighter but still meaningful to me. Now that will have to wait. Because my mind, heart and very core have been turned and torn in a totally different direction. As I sat here at work getting ready to take lunch at my desk, I thought I’d look at the news online and my eyes caught the headline “Court rejects death penalty for raping children”. Now, I don’t know where you fall in your beliefs about the death penalty, but I believe there are situations that warrant it. Child rape by an adult is one of those situations. Of course I read the article. I can’t say it was a mistake because I want to be an informed person, even about things I find disdainful. It’s just that this issue affects me to my very core, and stirs up in me things I don’t want stirred up. Once again I felt like a child with no voice, trying to scream… and now the supreme court is speaking for me, saying what? It’s not THAT bad? I guess that’s what I got out of the article. Unless the perpetrator kills me – they don’t deserve to die for their crime. I don’t think the supreme court understands child rape or what it means to die… emotionally and spiritually, over and over again. They can’t possibly understand. Well I guess some of them did. The vote was 5 to 4.

"The death penalty is not a proportional punishment for the rape of a child," Justice Anthony Kennedy wrote in his majority opinion.

Keep in mind that there are other crimes where no one has to die and the death penalty is still considered appropriate or “proportional” – they include treason and espionage. Spying! You can rape a 5 year old repeatedly (one of the cases before the supreme court!) and keep on living – but if you spy against the government – we can kill you! I’m just not sure about our priorities right now.

So here I sit at my desk, fucking crying, angry, frustrated and totally NOT professional, trying to figure out how to deal with the feelings that are boiling in me. Too upset to eat. Too busy to leave work. Too scattered to concentrate! I’m sitting here feeling carved up and hollowed out, burning on the inside. So I will try to write and hope to get things out and calm down some. But then there’s the past too… knocking at the back of my head. I try to keep it in the past. Been doing really good too! Until shit like this happens.

I don’t even know what to say or who I want to say it to. What does it take for us to find value in our children? I know many would argue that killing the rapist would not add value to the victim – but I’m not certain that’s entirely true. It won’t undo the crime, but I think it will show the victim and the world that the child is worth MORE than the scum who dared to use the child to GET OFF! Would pedophiles still be as active if they faced the death penalty for even one strike? Maybe not. But I’ll tell you one thing, if the death penalty does nothing to prevent them from attacking the first time – it WILL prevent them from becoming a repeat offender once caught! Dead men & women don’t rape kids! And what about peace-of-mind for the victims? Do you know what lives at the back of the minds of people who were raped (at any age!)? “Where is the person who did this to me?” “When will they show up again?” If the person is on death row, or better yet, dead – that peace of mind is worth more than any amount of money or restitution a rape victim could get.

I hear so often that victims have no rights in this country and that the criminals have all the rights. I don’t REALLY believe it, but on days like today, and with decisions like the one handed down today, it is very easy to see why some people do. It would be easy for me to become polarized around this single issue and throw my hands up in the air and say “they just don’t care!” and give up. But the vote was 5 to 4. Maybe four people get it. Maybe four people care! It was one person away from going the other way.

I just don’t know what it takes for the other five to understand that children who are raped DO die. That child dies and something, and someone else replaces the child – forever! If they are lucky, they don’t stay a victim for the rest of their lives. If they are lucky, they find a way to cope, help themselves or get help and then reclaim their lives as new people and become productive citizens in society. If they are lucky, they don’t turn into pedophiles or other criminal types. If they are lucky, they don’t become self-hating, self-destructive people who crash and burn over a short or long period of time – hurting others along the way. If they are lucky, they do overcome their physical wounds, their emotional wounds and their spiritual wounds. If they are lucky, all these wounds will somehow fade into scars and be hidden under different forms of coping mechanisms, behaviors and personalities – that hopefully – the world will be able to embrace. If they are lucky, they will find someone with whom they can be somewhat open and with that person, find love. To a certain extent, I’ve been lucky. Very lucky.

I don’t have statistics to spout here, but I’ve spent a year in therapy, and judging from what I’ve seen, heard and read, I would say the majority of victims are not so lucky. Most are far from it. But I think we would all benefit from some help from the supreme court recognizing the true severity of the damage done to children when they are so grievously violated. I guess this is my plea. To the other 5.

Peace and Love to the children, and to you all…

WOOF ya later!
~ bbw