02/12/2008 - ANOTHER PASSING...

Another day, another week, and another message that a friend has passed away. My first response always seems to be the same. My first thoughts are “There must be some mistake! That can’t be right!” Of course, I want there to be an error. There must be some crazy mix up! There is a part of me that desperately wants to find out that my friend is actually ok.

It seems that it was only yesterday that I last talked to him. Of course “yesterday” is inevitably more like weeks, or even months ago, which makes the loss sting just that much more. It brings home the fact that once more I’ve taken for granted the time I had to spend with a friend who no longer walks these streets with us. It seems weird that I can’t just pick up the phone and text or call him, or sit down at the computer and email or chat with him. I miss him more than I did when he moved across the country. I knew he’d come back for a visit from Atlanta. Or I could visit him. But what now?

I will miss his devilish grin and constant teasing. I will miss his silliness. I will miss walking up to his big muscular frame and declaring him my favorite lesbian. Mostly, I think, I will miss the gentle man he kept hidden inside of the rough macho exterior he presented to the world. I will miss him. I do miss him. I miss you John, my friend.

WOOF to ya bud, wherever you are!
~ bbw