I didn't sleep very well last night. I went out for a bit and then started getting all muscle-achy and actually ran a pretty high fever. This morning all symptoms are gone except for a raspy throat. My sinuses have been draining for a few days due to allergies and my throat is paying the price. When I did finally wake up this morning, I dressed, brushed my teeth and then walked into the bedroom and woke up my wife. I quoted the line from Stewart Little, citing "It's Today! It's Today!" This made us both smile. I then printed off some information from the internet, including the "my journey" portion of my website and three resources with tips on coming out to children. My wife and I sat down and read through all of the information and felt pretty good about things because they were all tips that we had already thought of and discussed. It would seem we are on the right track. I told her that choosing the right words would be the trick! She agreed.
So now I'm sitting here journaling - wanting to capture my own thoughts and feelings before the news is shared with my children. Many people, mostly gay men, have suggested to me that my kids probably already have a clue. One went so far as to offer a wager (jokingly) on it. I can't say for sure - but my thoughts are that they do not know - although they have known for about the past two or three years that "something" is going on with Mom and Dad. We have talked on several occassions about our needs to get out on our own and learn what it is like to be individuals. My wife would like to live in Paris for a year or so and I want to move to Australia for about two years. So the kids know that we have loose plans to at least "separate" for these journeys. Maybe they do suspect more... I'll find out soon enough.
I'm not worried about their love for me. I know my children to be both loving and accepting people. In many ways they are much more mature, loving, trusting and accepting at their ages than I was, or still am at my age. They both make me so proud as I watch them mature into adulthood. I guess I'm more worried about how my coming out as a bi or gay man will affect their images of themselves with each other, our family, with their friends etc. That may be very hard for them to reconcile and I don't feel good about adding any amount of stress to their lives. Stress is one of the main reasons we waited this long to tell them. But I feel in my heart that everything will be fine... will work out for the better and that we will all be happier, closer and more free once we all have a shared understanding of this issue.
Well, I'm off to get a cup of coffee and share the "good news" of honesty, love and freedom with my children. I'm excited and hesitant all at the same time. But I am not afraid, or ashamed or really very worried. I love them and they love me - I don't see that changing.
Wish me luck!
Woof you later!
- bbw
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