Well - it's now 12:25pm and my kids are aware that I'm bi/gay - and they love me anyway. It was kind of awkward to get to the actual "telling" - and once I said it I wasn't sure if they completely understood because I didn't get much of a reaction. So I had to ask them what they were thinking and feeling. I asked my son what he thought about having a bi or gay dad. He said that he didn't think of it like that. He said that I am simply his dad and that he loves me no matter what. He said he didn't think being gay was really an issue when it comes to our relationship.
My daughter responded much the same way, as if it didn't really matter, but I could tell in her eyes that she was feeling pain. She was having a hard time processing all of the ramifications of the news. My wife and I reassured her that whatever she was feeling was ok and if she needed time and/or space or whatever - we would support that.
I asked if they had any questions and they said for now they didn't, but when they did they would ask. They both appreciated that my wife and I were being honest and they assured us that they loved and supported us too.
I asked whether or not they had suspected something like this. My son said he could tell I was changing, but he didn't associate it with being gay or anything - he just loved that I was more happy with myself and that allowed us to bond even more.
My daughter said she had also noticed that I was changing, and seemed to be struggling with issues but she just hoped that everything would work out for the best. She added that if the struggle was between being gay or not gay, she would have hoped for not gay - and I added that I would have wished that too. But it didn't turn out that way.
My wife and I stressed that we did not want to treat this or see it as bad news. I explained that I was not ashamed of myself and I did not see being more free to be myself and express myself was a "bad thing" but instead was a good thing. The kids agreed.
So now that part is done - and I'm sure many other aspects will come up over time and we will deal with them as they arise - but for now the kids are in great moods and want to go out for lunch. My daughter wants to invite her boyfriend to come with us - which I see as a good sign because when she is really bothered - she doesn't want to be around people.
God is good! Life is good, and my family - well they are just the BEST!!!!!
Woof ya later!
- bbw
Sunday, July 31, 2005
07/31/2005 - COMING OUT DAY (part 1)
I didn't sleep very well last night. I went out for a bit and then started getting all muscle-achy and actually ran a pretty high fever. This morning all symptoms are gone except for a raspy throat. My sinuses have been draining for a few days due to allergies and my throat is paying the price. When I did finally wake up this morning, I dressed, brushed my teeth and then walked into the bedroom and woke up my wife. I quoted the line from Stewart Little, citing "It's Today! It's Today!" This made us both smile. I then printed off some information from the internet, including the "my journey" portion of my website and three resources with tips on coming out to children. My wife and I sat down and read through all of the information and felt pretty good about things because they were all tips that we had already thought of and discussed. It would seem we are on the right track. I told her that choosing the right words would be the trick! She agreed.
So now I'm sitting here journaling - wanting to capture my own thoughts and feelings before the news is shared with my children. Many people, mostly gay men, have suggested to me that my kids probably already have a clue. One went so far as to offer a wager (jokingly) on it. I can't say for sure - but my thoughts are that they do not know - although they have known for about the past two or three years that "something" is going on with Mom and Dad. We have talked on several occassions about our needs to get out on our own and learn what it is like to be individuals. My wife would like to live in Paris for a year or so and I want to move to Australia for about two years. So the kids know that we have loose plans to at least "separate" for these journeys. Maybe they do suspect more... I'll find out soon enough.
I'm not worried about their love for me. I know my children to be both loving and accepting people. In many ways they are much more mature, loving, trusting and accepting at their ages than I was, or still am at my age. They both make me so proud as I watch them mature into adulthood. I guess I'm more worried about how my coming out as a bi or gay man will affect their images of themselves with each other, our family, with their friends etc. That may be very hard for them to reconcile and I don't feel good about adding any amount of stress to their lives. Stress is one of the main reasons we waited this long to tell them. But I feel in my heart that everything will be fine... will work out for the better and that we will all be happier, closer and more free once we all have a shared understanding of this issue.
Well, I'm off to get a cup of coffee and share the "good news" of honesty, love and freedom with my children. I'm excited and hesitant all at the same time. But I am not afraid, or ashamed or really very worried. I love them and they love me - I don't see that changing.
Wish me luck!
Woof you later!
- bbw
So now I'm sitting here journaling - wanting to capture my own thoughts and feelings before the news is shared with my children. Many people, mostly gay men, have suggested to me that my kids probably already have a clue. One went so far as to offer a wager (jokingly) on it. I can't say for sure - but my thoughts are that they do not know - although they have known for about the past two or three years that "something" is going on with Mom and Dad. We have talked on several occassions about our needs to get out on our own and learn what it is like to be individuals. My wife would like to live in Paris for a year or so and I want to move to Australia for about two years. So the kids know that we have loose plans to at least "separate" for these journeys. Maybe they do suspect more... I'll find out soon enough.
I'm not worried about their love for me. I know my children to be both loving and accepting people. In many ways they are much more mature, loving, trusting and accepting at their ages than I was, or still am at my age. They both make me so proud as I watch them mature into adulthood. I guess I'm more worried about how my coming out as a bi or gay man will affect their images of themselves with each other, our family, with their friends etc. That may be very hard for them to reconcile and I don't feel good about adding any amount of stress to their lives. Stress is one of the main reasons we waited this long to tell them. But I feel in my heart that everything will be fine... will work out for the better and that we will all be happier, closer and more free once we all have a shared understanding of this issue.
Well, I'm off to get a cup of coffee and share the "good news" of honesty, love and freedom with my children. I'm excited and hesitant all at the same time. But I am not afraid, or ashamed or really very worried. I love them and they love me - I don't see that changing.
Wish me luck!
Woof you later!
- bbw
Friday, July 29, 2005
07/29/2005 - I LOVE FRIDAY...
YES! It's Friday! Not that I have a whole lot planned for the weekend. Last night, after spending some wonderful family time with our kids playing "Battle of the Sexes" (guys won!), my wife and I went out to a gay bar to dance - but we never did. I kept offering (which I RARELY do) and she kept waiting for a better song (which she NEVER does!). But I had my bartender friend, Dade, make her some awesome electric margaritas! My bf joined us later and we had a good time talking and freaking out a friend who had NO CLUE that I was married! Enuff about that!
It's Friday and I think I'm going to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory tonight! The rest of my family have seen it and said it was a great movie! Woo Hoo!
Driving in to work today I was having my usual random thought process and began to contemplate the apple with which Adam and Eve are associated. I was thinking about that fruit, and the many times I've heard "good christian people" arguing over whether or not it was REALLY an apple, or a pear, or a pomegranate or what... and I got to thinking how ridiculous the whole thing is and how much energy is wasted on such a discussion. I mean - these people have already swallowed the whole tale about a man and woman formed in a mythical garden - one from dust and the other from a rib (was it REALLY a rib, or a thigh bone, or a tibia?!), and somehow they got "caught up" on what kind of fruit it was that Eve used to sell our souls into sin and degradation! These people could just as easily exhaust their energy asking questions like "Why a rib?... Did God run out of dust?" I mean, come on! Didn't Jesus bring a new covenant? Didn't he tell us that we, for the most part, got it all wrong!? Did Jesus say that it was an apple, or a pineapple, or a peach? NO! He kept his teaching to things that were important! Like the fact that God is love. God is in each of us - so Love is in each of us. We all have the capacity to love, and therefore forgive, in the same manner as God. And when I say "all" I don't mean all "christians" and neither did Jesus. Do you realize that there were no christian's before there was Christ? So what were those people who came before Jesus, and how the hell did they find salvation? WAKE UP! We all need to open our eyes, our minds and our hearts and realize that salvation is up to us - not up to Christ and not up to God. They have both already given us all that we need - unconditional love, unconditional forgiveness and instructions on where to find both AND how to move both out of ourselves and into our world - thus creating the Kingdom of God!
Whew! I wasn't planning all that - but there it is. Please - go out and love each other today and each day going forward.
With MUCH LOVE!
Woof you later!
- bbw
It's Friday and I think I'm going to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory tonight! The rest of my family have seen it and said it was a great movie! Woo Hoo!
Driving in to work today I was having my usual random thought process and began to contemplate the apple with which Adam and Eve are associated. I was thinking about that fruit, and the many times I've heard "good christian people" arguing over whether or not it was REALLY an apple, or a pear, or a pomegranate or what... and I got to thinking how ridiculous the whole thing is and how much energy is wasted on such a discussion. I mean - these people have already swallowed the whole tale about a man and woman formed in a mythical garden - one from dust and the other from a rib (was it REALLY a rib, or a thigh bone, or a tibia?!), and somehow they got "caught up" on what kind of fruit it was that Eve used to sell our souls into sin and degradation! These people could just as easily exhaust their energy asking questions like "Why a rib?... Did God run out of dust?" I mean, come on! Didn't Jesus bring a new covenant? Didn't he tell us that we, for the most part, got it all wrong!? Did Jesus say that it was an apple, or a pineapple, or a peach? NO! He kept his teaching to things that were important! Like the fact that God is love. God is in each of us - so Love is in each of us. We all have the capacity to love, and therefore forgive, in the same manner as God. And when I say "all" I don't mean all "christians" and neither did Jesus. Do you realize that there were no christian's before there was Christ? So what were those people who came before Jesus, and how the hell did they find salvation? WAKE UP! We all need to open our eyes, our minds and our hearts and realize that salvation is up to us - not up to Christ and not up to God. They have both already given us all that we need - unconditional love, unconditional forgiveness and instructions on where to find both AND how to move both out of ourselves and into our world - thus creating the Kingdom of God!
Whew! I wasn't planning all that - but there it is. Please - go out and love each other today and each day going forward.
With MUCH LOVE!
Woof you later!
- bbw
Thursday, July 28, 2005
07/28/2005 - WORLD KEEPS CHANGING...
WOW! I can't believe I've had this weblog for over a year. I started out just to learn about "blogging" and thought it might be a cool thing - but it soon seemed I was just talking to the wall. So I walked away for a while. Since then I've started a website (2 actually!) one for personal expression and the other for business (photography and art gallery!). I've considered putting an online journal of sorts out on my website and then I thought - hey! why not just link to the web log! So I think I will do that. Then I can check in here... add some thoughts, comments, concerns or rants and then anyone checking out my website can link here if they want to. That will also encourage me to be more faithful about posting information here and keeping things "fresh"! It would be cool to see comments posted or to enter into some discussion about things here - but I suppose that may come in time.
So - what's new with me? Well I'm not sure I mentioned it earlier in any of my blog entries... but I'm a man going through changes. I guess it was three years ago now that I began to discover/uncover things about my past and my childhood that my mind had chosen to keep hidden from me. I won't go into detail here in "public" but those discoveries centered around sexual abuse. It shook me up pretty hard and I ended up in therapy for about 12 months. I've been out of therapy now for about 18 months and I'm doing much better!
During therapy and the opening-up process, I also discovered that I had feelings for other men, both emotional and sexual feelings, that had not been explored. Again, this rattled me to my core. Until this whole process began, I was very anti-gay and completely homophobic. I did not make friends with many men. I didn't trust them or "bond" with them. Sure, I could drink with them, shoot the shit, play sports and such - but never get beyond a purely social encounter with them. My wife was my only "friend" and we pretty much did everything together. Looking back at my past and my childhood history - that makes much more sense to me now.
I guess where this is leading is that I have "come out" to my wife (did that about 2.5 years ago) and more recently to some friends of ours. I will also be having the "talk" with my two teenagers this weekend. So maybe next week you will see more about that.
Since November of 2004 I've been seeing a guy who I met online and chatted with for about a year. I've been very cautious in meeting new people because one of the first people I ever met in person led me to believe he wanted to be a friend and sort of mentor to me in the "coming out" process - but instead after a year of friendship - turned into a sociopathic stalker! So I have to be protective of my family, my friends and my self. But this guy I've been seeing since November is very different. He's helping me learn to love myself - all aspects of myself. And he's helping me learn to trust again - and in trusting - I'm learning to be truly and completely honest with myself and with everyone around me. That is such a freeing feeling. So! There you have it. I have a wife whom I love; kids whom I love and a man whom I love. And the best part is... they ALL love me! I'm a lucky man!!!
More to come.... (soon? time will tell!)
Woof you later!
- bbw
So - what's new with me? Well I'm not sure I mentioned it earlier in any of my blog entries... but I'm a man going through changes. I guess it was three years ago now that I began to discover/uncover things about my past and my childhood that my mind had chosen to keep hidden from me. I won't go into detail here in "public" but those discoveries centered around sexual abuse. It shook me up pretty hard and I ended up in therapy for about 12 months. I've been out of therapy now for about 18 months and I'm doing much better!
During therapy and the opening-up process, I also discovered that I had feelings for other men, both emotional and sexual feelings, that had not been explored. Again, this rattled me to my core. Until this whole process began, I was very anti-gay and completely homophobic. I did not make friends with many men. I didn't trust them or "bond" with them. Sure, I could drink with them, shoot the shit, play sports and such - but never get beyond a purely social encounter with them. My wife was my only "friend" and we pretty much did everything together. Looking back at my past and my childhood history - that makes much more sense to me now.
I guess where this is leading is that I have "come out" to my wife (did that about 2.5 years ago) and more recently to some friends of ours. I will also be having the "talk" with my two teenagers this weekend. So maybe next week you will see more about that.
Since November of 2004 I've been seeing a guy who I met online and chatted with for about a year. I've been very cautious in meeting new people because one of the first people I ever met in person led me to believe he wanted to be a friend and sort of mentor to me in the "coming out" process - but instead after a year of friendship - turned into a sociopathic stalker! So I have to be protective of my family, my friends and my self. But this guy I've been seeing since November is very different. He's helping me learn to love myself - all aspects of myself. And he's helping me learn to trust again - and in trusting - I'm learning to be truly and completely honest with myself and with everyone around me. That is such a freeing feeling. So! There you have it. I have a wife whom I love; kids whom I love and a man whom I love. And the best part is... they ALL love me! I'm a lucky man!!!
More to come.... (soon? time will tell!)
Woof you later!
- bbw
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