11/10/2006 - A REFLECTION...

November 10, 2006 marks two years for my boyfriend and I. As I reflect on the past 12 or ever 24 months, I see so many changes that have taken place in my life, and in the person I am. Even though some of those changes have been hard to endure, or hard to look at sometime - I believe that they are all good changes, and that I sit here today a better person, and a better man.

I certainly can't take credit for all of that. I've had the help of some very special people; namely, my family and my partner. Each of them, in their own unique ways, have encouraged me, supported me, tolerated me and loved me along the way. Many would probably think, and some have even voiced to me, that holding together my family, with my wife and children, and at the same time having a boyfriend, would be impossible. But I don't believe in the word impossible. I believe in possibilities. I love challenges, and believe me - there have been plenty of those. But it is precisely because of these challenges that I am able to look at my life with new eyes, and have new thoughts, and come up with new solutions to living a life "outside of the box" and different from what many consider "normal".

I walk around today feeling "blessed" more often than not. I have been able to let go of much of the pain and distrust associated with childhood abuses. It is not gone, and some days are worse than others, but I feel the anger that lives just beneath the surface, begin to ease and to ebb away. And on those days when I'm at my worst rather than my best, I have someone to hold my hand, or rub my back. Someone who understands and who helps me deal with whatever it is that faces me. How can I not feel blessed?!

The rough spots of the past year have had more to do with adjusting to a new way of looking at myself and a new way of looking at my relationships. In some cases I have had to let go of relationships that were false, shallow and not healthy for me. And in the case of my wife, I continue to learn about and deal with redefining our relationship, as we continue to love and support one another; encouraging each other to become the people we were meant to be. Each of us wants to live up to our full potential. Part of the difficulty comes with discovering what that potential may be.

I sit here in the wee hours of this morning, looking forward to the next 12 months. My mind holds wonder for what those months will bring. There is some trepidation, but it's almost like the feeling a child might have before Christmas morning. There is really not much fear that I will find a stocking stuffed with coal, but rather I'm excited about things I can't possibly even fathom yet. I know next year will hold both bad and good, as do all years, but I am so hopeful that the good will be great and the bad will be tolerable because I will not face those times alone.

I wrote a poem just a couple of days ago about being alone. I knew even then that it was one of my "bad" days. Those days are getting fewer and farther between and I am very thankful for that.

To my family I want to say "Thank you" for being so loving, accepting and understanding of my choices, my path and my life. I wouldn't be half as strong as I am today without you. I love you all so very deeply.

To my boyfriend, Al, I want to say "In you, I have found a soulmate, a partner, true honesty, pure love and a life I could not even have imagined!" I am blessed by you each day and you have proven to me that trust is not out of my reach. My love for you is endless.

To the world I want to offer encouragement to keep loving, keep forgiving, keep reaching for your passions so that you will stay inspired and motivated to live a complete and fulfilled life! Bless you all!

WOOF ya later!
~ bbw