08/22/2010 - LOVE: A POWERFUL DRUG...

As the Sunday afternoon shadows grow longer and the weekend comes to a close, I reflect on the steps of my life that brought me here, to this moment, right now.

I could judge and blame myself, or others - but in truth, our lives are made up of a strange fabric, interwoven with all of our experiences collectively. There is nothing that has happened to you, that does not in some remote, unknown way, effect me. The reverse is also true.

So, while the current moment is not one in which I feel like singing and dancing, I do feel a sense of calm beneath it all, for knowing that I made the right decision at the start.

Love in it's purest form cannot be manufactured in yourself or in others. It is either present or it is not. When two people come together in that love - it can be bliss. But when one of two holds on to a secret, that their love, like the image they show to the world, is false, worlds begin to crumble. Pulling yourself from the wreckage of that broken world - and at the same time trying to stop the blood from gushing out of heart ripped apart... is at times, too much to take.

I'm climbing out of the rubble. I'm holding my heart close to me. I'm protecting what I have right now - so that I can stand stronger each day. Part of what gives me strength is knowing that out there, in a place I have not yet discovered, is the true love, the pure love that is meant for me. A love to match my own, and a life that has no need, nor room for lies.

Until I come across that love - I will continue to encourage myself and look to true friends for any help I may need along the way. And when someone with a secret shows up on my doorstep once again, I will be better prepared to recognize their true self and send them on their way.

The words of this song reflect the path I have been on for 5 1/2 years. But in this moment, right now, I have turned my life around and I look into the sun. Bright days are ahead...

Rehab...
Songwriters: Lane, Hannon; Timberlake, Justin; Mosley, Timothy;
Performed by: Rihanna

Baby baby
When we first met I never felt something so strong
You were like my lover and my best friend
All wrapped in one with a ribbon on it
And all of a sudden you went and left
I didn't know how to follow
It's like a shock that spun me around
And now my heart's dead
I feel so empty and hollow
And I'll never give myself to another the way I gave it to you
You don't even recognize the ways you hurt me, do you?
It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back
And you're the one to blame
And now I feel like....oh!
You're the reason why I'm thinking
I don't wanna smoke on these cigarettes no more
I guess that's what I get for wishful thinking
Should've never let you enter my door
Next time you wanna go on and leave
I should just let you go on and do it
'Cause now I'm using like I bleed
It's like I checked into rehab
And baby, you're my disease
It's like I checked into rehab
And baby, you're my disease
I gotta check into rehab
'Cause baby you're my disease
I gotta check into rehab
'Cause baby you're my disease
Damn, ain't it crazy when you're loveswept (?)
You'd do anything for the one you love
'Cause anytime that you needed me I'd be there
It's like you were my favorite drug
The only problem is that you was using me
In a different way than I was using you
But now that I know it's not meant to be
I gotta go, I gotta wean myself off of you
And I'll never give myself to another the way I gave it to you
You don't even recognize the ways you hurt me, do you?
It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back
And you're the one to blame
'Cause now I feel like....oh!
You're the reason why I'm thinking
I don't wanna smoke on these cigarettes no more
I guess that's what I get for wishful thinking
Should've never let you enter my door
Next time you wanna go on and leave
I should just let you go on and do it
'Cause now I'm using like I bleed
It's like I checked into rehab
And baby, you're my disease
It's like I checked into rehab
And baby, you're my disease
I gotta check into rehab
'Cause baby you're my disease
I gotta check into rehab
'Cause baby you're my disease
Now ladies gimme that...
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohohoh, oh, oh, ohh
Now gimme that...
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohohoh, oh, oh, ohh
My ladies gimme that...
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohohoh, oh, oh, ohh
Now gimme that...
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohohoh, oh, oh, ohh
Oh! You're the reason why I'm thinking
I don't wanna smoke on these cigarettes no more
I guess that's what I get for wishful thinking
Should've never let you enter my door
Next time you wanna go on and leave
I should just let you go on and do it
'Cause now I'm using like I bleed
It's like I checked into rehab
And baby, you're my disease
It's like I checked into rehab
And baby, you're my disease
I gotta check into rehab
'Cause baby you're my disease
I gotta check into rehab
'Cause baby you're my disease

WOOF ya later!
~ bbw

04/07/2010 - BRIGHT IDEA...

This was passed on to me – so I’m passing it on as well. Let’s all try to take pride in America. To some of you, she may not be what she once was, but if we all do something about it, she can be the best yet!

A physics teacher in high school, once told the students that while one grasshopper on the railroad tracks wouldn't slow a train very much, but a billion of them would.

With that thought in mind, read the following, Obviously written by a good American. It’s a good idea, one light bulb at a time . . . .

Check this out . I can verify this because I was in Lowes the other day - I was looking at the hose attachments. They were all made in China. The next day I was in Ace Hardware, and just for the heck of it, I checked the hose attachments there. They were made in USA.

Start looking --- In our current economic situation, every little thing we buy or do affects someone else - even their job. So, after reading this email, I think this lady is on the right track. Let's get behind her! Here's her story...

My grandson likes Hershey's candy. I noticed, though, that it is marked made in Mexico now. I do not buy it any more.

My favorite toothpaste, Colgate is now made in Mexico. I have switched to Crest.

You have to read the labels on everything.,,

This past weekend I was at Kroger. I needed 60 Watt light bulbs and dryer sheets. I was in the light bulb aisle, and right next to the GE brand that I normally buy was an off-brand labeled, "Everyday Value". I picked up both brands of bulbs and compared the stats - they were the same, except for the price. The GE bulbs were more money than the Everyday Value brand - - - but the thing that surprised me the most was the fact that GE was made in MEXICO and the Everyday Value brand was made in - get ready for this - the USA , in a company in Cleveland, Ohio.

So on to another aisle - Bounce Dryer Sheets..... yep, you guessed it, Bounce cost more money and is made in Canada . The Everyday Value brand was less money and MADE IN THE USA! I did laundry yesterday and the dryer sheets performed just like the Bounce Free I have been using for years and at almost half the price!

So throw out the myth that you cannot find products you use every day that are made right here. My challenge to you is to start reading the labels when you shop for everyday things and see what you can find that is made in the USA - the job you save may be your own or your kids or your neighbors!"

If you accept the challenge, pass this on to others in your address book so we can all start buying American, one light bulb at a time! (We should have awakened a decade ago!!!!!!)

Let's get with the program ... help our fellow Americans keep their jobs and create more jobs here in the U.S.A.

Pass it on!

&

WOOF ya later!
~ bbw

12/16/2009 - GROW UP, ALREADY...

I could have just left it alone. And for the most part, I did. I let the media run their circus and I just stayed out of it. Reserving most of my thoughts and opinions and holding them to myself. If you know me at all – you know that’s not simple task! But in this case it was especially important because it was a crucial topic to me personally, and because the media (as usual) rushed to the presses with every little bit of factual and/or fictional detail they could scrounge.

Something bad happened to Rihanna and Christopher “Chris” Maurice (really?) Brown, and from the very earliest reports, it looked a LOT like a domestic abuse case in which Chris brutally and viciously attacked the professed love of his life, injuring her physically and traumatizing her emotionally before leaving her on the side of the road and rushing off to hide.

Today we have a much fuller picture of the events and we know that Chris did indeed do all of the things I listed, and more. Much more. He went so far as to threaten her very life, and who knows, given any slight change in circumstance, like say – she didn’t have a cell phone… he may have carried out that threat. But let’s not suppose anything more than we know. He beat her, bit her and left her injured and dazed on the side of a dark road at night, bleeding and helpless and then he ran to hide.

Then Rihanna files a police report in which she is required to give as much detail as possible, no matter how excruciating it is for her to have to remember or relive, in order for the authorities to get an accurate account of the events both during the attack, but also leading up to and immediately after the attack.

What does Chris do – he waits a few days and then comes forward to answer questions and “just to clear things up” and clear his name, since obviously the media has things wrong and have blown things way out of proportion. At some point, Chris also gives a generic apology online to his fans and the public.

Moving forward, Chris displays some moderate amount of what I’ll call “generic” remorse, still not coming clean and manning up to the fact that he beat the crap out of his girlfriend, and mentions that he is seeking the counsel of his pastor and family and friends. Awww – how nice, how almost sweet, how… what’s the word I’m searching for… whitebread!

In court he enters a plea of guilty (ya think?!) for a felony assault and gets a paltry 5 year probationary sentence. So guess what... Chris Brown is still out on the streets and just released a new album. Which brings me to the entire reason for this blog and why I can no longer hold my tongue.

Chris is not happy with his album sales, and he feels that he is being black-balled by the industry. He has himself reported on Twitter that he’s going into stores to see if they are stocking his CD on their shelves – and when he doesn’t find them – he asks for the manager because he doesn’t think that’s fair. The one instance Chris cites on Twitter about a Walmart where the manager said they didn’t have any of his CD’s is almost funny because Chris goes OFF – and in fact the reason the Walmart didn’t have any was because they had already sold out. The store manager was not aware of this fact. Perhaps Chris should have talked to someone in electronics!

But to Chris’ point – there have been other reports where his Fans have gone into stores and been told by managers that not only are the new CDs not on the shelves, but that they will never be stocked and in fact the stores won’t be carrying any more Chris Brown music. Now the fans and Chris are all in a tizzy and screaming about unfairness and blackballing and WHAAA WHAAA WHAAA!

And so, for you Mr. Christopher Maurice Brown, I have these four words – GROW THE FUCK UP!

In addition, the last time I checked this was still the United States of America. And being such, you have the right to cry and whine all you want. But guess what, stores have the right to stock the products they want to sell. Or, in this case, the right to NOT stock something they don’t want to sell. Just like it is my personal right to buy or NOT buy your CD. Does this make them bad stores, bad managers or bad people? I don’t think so. Some people have a strong sense of indignation for domestic abuse and those that perpetrate it. They may feel especially incensed when the person who causes such violence really never comes out and accepts the responsibility for what they did and takes their punishment like a real man. They may just not have a lot of warm fuzzies for someone like you Mr. Brown. You should count yourself very VERY lucky that you did not end up in prison. I doubt seriously if you would last a day in the joint with even half the poise and dignity that your ex-girlfriend and abuse survivor has done after getting away from you! Or – perhaps these shop managers and business owners feel this is their “own little way” of speaking out against domestic abuse, sort of like a personal protest or boycott. Guess what, if enough people feel that way, you may find yourself some day, working at Walmart and asking “paper or plastic?”.

So think about it. Dood - you got lucky. You and Rihanna both got lucky! You both have a chance to start over and do things right. It appears she is making the most of her 2nd chance. Yet, it appears as though you haven’t learned a thing! Remember, the world doesn’t owe you anything. You are too old to blame your behavior on being a “kid” and too old to blame mommy and daddy! You are in the world now as a man – so please, start acting like one. No – scratch that. You have been “acting” - start BEING a man! In the long run you will be a more fulfilled person, a more prolific and satisfied/satisfying artist and your future girlfriends/fiancée/wife will be much much safer.

With love and respect, I wish you peace and good luck.

To the rest of us – may we learn from our own past mistakes, as well as the mistakes of others, for we are never so different from our brothers.

WOOF ya later!
~ bbw

12/01/2009 - WORLD AIDS DAY...

AIDS and HIV... so much more than mere letters, because when we string them together just so, we attach to them things like fear, shame, scorn, stigma, judgment, apathy and hate. Yes, I'm still astounded that we can so easily turn away from, or that we can hate someone just because they utter the letters H I V...

My view of reality is that we are all living with AIDS and HIV. Some of us may choose to deny or ignore it, but that does not remove it from the world, our world. It surrounds us - whether in our own blood, or in the blood of our loved ones, our friends, our neighbors, our co-workers or strangers that pass us by every day. AIDS and HIV is strung through the fabric of our world making that fabric weak in some areas, and stronger in others.

I've never had to sit and cry with a friend as he or she first received the news from their doctor, though they know I would. I've never had to sit with a friend and watch them breathe their last breath, because I've been fortunate enough to have seen them improve and return home. But I have seen the scared and then surprised look on far too many faces, who, after working up the nerve to tell me they were HIV positive, couldn't believe that I loved them even more for telling me, and then embraced them tightly to assure them I was not afraid, and hope maybe they could be a little less afraid too.

My tears have thus far been limited to sorrow for those who have been lost far too soon, and whom I never got to know fully, and my tears of anger for those who use hate and ignorance to fuel their lives, their vocations, and their words when they speak about AIDS and HIV.

I read an article a couple years ago about a preacher’s wife who supported AIDS efforts in Africa. Although her husband and the church did not fully support her, but only humored her in this endeavor, the article painted her a hero. I was all good with this until I read a quote from the woman. She said she struggled with her calling until reaching a point she terms “a surrender to God” as she realized that AIDS “wasn't just a gay disease.” This quote stunned me as I realized the only reason she answered the plight of those people dying from AIDS in Africa, was that she realized they were not gay! So, had she not realized that AIDS wasn’t just a gay disease – those poor African’s, and God for that matter, would just have had to make do without her help! A hero? Not quite. That woman is Kay Warren, wife of Rick Warren, pastor of Saddleback Valley Community Church in Southern California, one of the most influential evangelical churches in the United States. Yes, I have cried tears of sorrow and anger. And yes, sometimes I still do.

But for me today, AIDS and HIV is not about tears, fear, shame, scorn, hate or any of those negatives we can so quickly attach. Today I think we can look to progress, and acceptance, healing and love. There will still be hard times. There will ALWAYS be hard times. But we don’t get through those times by embracing the negativity of things. We must embrace the positives in this life. We must accept what we have before us and truly make the best of life with it. And we must help to make sure that no one is left to do that alone.

I have a partner. I am loved. He and I are thankful for each day, each moment we have together and we have made it a part of our life’s mission as it is our passion, to reach out to others and let them know they are not alone and that each day can get better. Remember, in this world, in this life, in this time, we ALL have AIDS, we ALL have HIV! Let’s deal with it… together.

WOOF ya later!

~ bbw

10/25/2009 - A MANIFESTO: PASS IT ON...

I believe John Spong, a straight, retired bishop from Newark, NJ, is an excellent example of a theologian who "gets it". I have served as an ordained deacon in my own church and have been a part of religious debates and witch-hunts as well as seen the bible used to twist words and to twist the minds of people and turn them against others. I had come to the same conclusion as Mr. Spong a few years ago. I will no longer participate! Those churches and people who do not follow or teach the ALL INCLUSIVE love of Christ - have no place in this world or in my life. Please read this letter from Bishop Spong and pass it on to everyone on your contact list.

A Manifesto! The Time Has Come!
I have made a decision. I will no longer debate the issue of homosexuality in the church with anyone. I will no longer engage the biblical ignorance that emanates from so many right-wing Christians about how the Bible condemns homosexuality, as if that point of view still has any credibility. I will no longer discuss with them or listen to them tell me how homosexuality is "an abomination to God," about how homosexuality is a "chosen lifestyle," or about how through prayer and "spiritual counseling" homosexual persons can be "cured." Those arguments are no longer worthy of my time or energy. I will no longer dignify by listening to the thoughts of those who advocate "reparative therapy," as if homosexual persons are somehow broken and need to be repaired. I will no longer talk to those who believe that the unity of the church can or should be achieved by rejecting the presence of, or at least at the expense of, gay and lesbian people. I will no longer take the time to refute the unlearned and undocumentable claims of certain world religious leaders who call homosexuality "deviant." I will no longer listen to that pious sentimentality that certain Christian leaders continue to employ, which suggests some version of that strange and overtly dishonest phrase that "we love the sinner but hate the sin." That statement is, I have concluded, nothing more than a self-serving lie designed to cover the fact that these people hate homosexual persons and fear homosexuality itself, but somehow know that hatred is incompatible with the Christ they claim to profess, so they adopt this face-saving and absolutely false statement. I will no longer temper my understanding of truth in order to pretend that I have even a tiny smidgen of respect for the appalling negativity that continues to emanate from religious circles where the church has for centuries conveniently perfumed its ongoing prejudices against blacks, Jews, women and homosexual persons with what it assumes is "high-sounding, pious rhetoric." The day for that mentality has quite simply come to an end for me. I will personally neither tolerate it nor listen to it any longer. The world has moved on, leaving these elements of the Christian Church that cannot adjust to new knowledge or a new consciousness lost in a sea of their own irrelevance. They no longer talk to anyone but themselves. I will no longer seek to slow down the witness to inclusiveness by pretending that there is some middle ground between prejudice and oppression. There isn't. Justice postponed is justice denied. That can be a resting place no longer for anyone. An old civil rights song proclaimed that the only choice awaiting those who cannot adjust to a new understanding was to "Roll on over or we'll roll on over you!" Time waits for no one.

I will particularly ignore those members of my own Episcopal Church who seek to break away from this body to form a "new church," claiming that this new and bigoted instrument alone now represents the Anglican Communion. Such a new ecclesiastical body is designed to allow these pathetic human beings, who are so deeply locked into a world that no longer exists, to form a community in which they can continue to hate gay people, distort gay people with their hopeless rhetoric and to be part of a religious fellowship in which they can continue to feel justified in their homophobic prejudices for the rest of their tortured lives. Church unity can never be a virtue that is preserved by allowing injustice, oppression and psychological tyranny to go unchallenged.

In my personal life, I will no longer listen to televised debates conducted by "fair-minded" channels that seek to give "both sides" of this issue "equal time." I am aware that these stations no longer give equal time to the advocates of treating women as if they are the property of men or to the advocates of reinstating either segregation or slavery, despite the fact that when these evil institutions were coming to an end the Bible was still being quoted frequently on each of these subjects. It is time for the media to announce that there are no longer two sides to the issue of full humanity for gay and lesbian people. There is no way that justice for homosexual people can be compromised any longer.

I will no longer act as if the Papal office is to be respected if the present occupant of that office is either not willing or not able to inform and educate himself on public issues on which he dares to speak with embarrassing ineptitude. I will no longer be respectful of the leadership of the Archbishop of Canterbury, who seems to believe that rude behavior, intolerance and even killing prejudice is somehow acceptable, so long as it comes from third-world religious leaders, who more than anything else reveal in themselves the price that colonial oppression has required of the minds and hearts of so many of our world's population. I see no way that ignorance and truth can be placed side by side, nor do I believe that evil is somehow less evil if the Bible is quoted to justify it. I will dismiss as unworthy of any more of my attention the wild, false and uninformed opinions of such would-be religious leaders as Pat Robertson, James Dobson, Jerry Falwell, Jimmy Swaggart, Albert Mohler, and Robert Duncan. My country and my church have both already spent too much time, energy and money trying to accommodate these backward points of view when they are no longer even tolerable.

I make these statements because it is time to move on. The battle is over. The victory has been won. There is no reasonable doubt as to what the final outcome of this struggle will be. Homosexual people will be accepted as equal, full human beings, who have a legitimate claim on every right that both church and society have to offer any of us. Homosexual marriages will become legal, recognized by the state and pronounced holy by the church. "Don't ask, don't tell" will be dismantled as the policy of our armed forces. We will and we must learn that equality of citizenship is not something that should ever be submitted to a referendum. Equality under and before the law is a solemn promise conveyed to all our citizens in the Constitution itself. Can any of us imagine having a public referendum on whether slavery should continue, whether segregation should be dismantled, whether voting privileges should be offered to women? The time has come for politicians to stop hiding behind unjust laws that they themselves helped to enact, and to abandon that convenient shield of demanding a vote on the rights of full citizenship because they do not understand the difference between a constitutional democracy, which this nation has, and a "mobocracy," which this nation rejected when it adopted its constitution. We do not put the civil rights of a minority to the vote of a plebiscite.

I will also no longer act as if I need a majority vote of some ecclesiastical body in order to bless, ordain, recognize and celebrate the lives and gifts of gay and lesbian people in the life of the church. No one should ever again be forced to submit the privilege of citizenship in this nation or membership in the Christian Church to the will of a majority vote.

The battle in both our culture and our church to rid our souls of this dying prejudice is finished. A new consciousness has arisen. A decision has quite clearly been made. Inequality for gay and lesbian people is no longer a debatable issue in either church or state. Therefore, I will from this moment on refuse to dignify the continued public expression of ignorant prejudice by engaging it. I do not tolerate racism or sexism any longer. From this moment on, I will no longer tolerate our culture's various forms of homophobia. I do not care who it is who articulates these attitudes or who tries to make them sound holy with religious jargon.

I have been part of this debate for years, but things do get settled and this issue is now settled for me. I do not debate any longer with members of the "Flat Earth Society" either. I do not debate with people who think we should treat epilepsy by casting demons out of the epileptic person; I do not waste time engaging those medical opinions that suggest that bleeding the patient might release the infection. I do not converse with people who think that Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans as punishment for the sin of being the birthplace of Ellen DeGeneres or that the terrorists hit the United Sates on 9/11 because we tolerated homosexual people, abortions, feminism or the American Civil Liberties Union. I am tired of being embarrassed by so much of my church's participation in causes that are quite unworthy of the Christ I serve or the God whose mystery and wonder I appreciate more each day. Indeed I feel the Christian Church should not only apologize, but do public penance for the way we have treated people of color, women, adherents of other religions and those we designated heretics, as well as gay and lesbian people.

Life moves on. As the poet James Russell Lowell once put it more than a century ago: "New occasions teach new duties, Time makes ancient good uncouth." I am ready now to claim the victory. I will from now on assume it and live into it. I am unwilling to argue about it or to discuss it as if there are two equally valid, competing positions any longer. The day for that mentality has simply gone forever.

This is my manifesto and my creed. I proclaim it today. I invite others to join me in this public declaration. I believe that such a public outpouring will help cleanse both the church and this nation of its own distorting past. It will restore integrity and honor to both church and state. It will signal that a new day has dawned and we are ready not just to embrace it, but also to rejoice in it and to celebrate it.

– John Shelby Spong

PASS IT ON...

WOOF ya later!
~ bbw

05/02/2009 - MOVING FORWARD...

It's odd, but I was thinking the other day as I pondered my upbringing and life with my mom and dad and brother - and I came to the conclusion that they have had a profound impact on my life - but not necessarily a very positive one. I came away with this thought...

I've never come across a mountain laying across the path in front of me that I haven't been able to cross or find my way around, but it's always the valleys behind me that keep dragging me down.

There's something profound in those words. And pondering this one thought further - and discussing it with my partner and lifemate - it has led me to another thought...

I must live my life going forward from this point with new eyes... wide open

To Al - I love you Al-ways!

WOOF ya later!
~ bbw

02/17/2009 - THE JOY AND THE PAIN...

Judging from this blog, it may seem as if my life has been uneventful as of late. Trust me – don’t let my lack of blogging deceive you! Things have been plenty busy!

I notice that my last entry was July 7, 2008. That was the day after my father’s birthday last year. I went back and glanced over my writing to get a sense of what was going on at that point last Summer. I laughed to myself a little remembering the events that led to me writing that blog. I also thought it a little odd that I never even mentioned my dad’s birthday. But then again – maybe it was just an indicator of things to come…

THE JOY
Like I already mentioned, a LOT has gone on since July 7 of last year. I’m just coming off of a WONDERFUL Valentine’s weekend that was preceded by an INCREDIBLE birthday “Season”! It almost seemed like Christmas was extended because Al’s birthday came almost immediately after New Year and then my birthday was right around the corner! And in the meantime we found the time to take a cruise to Cozumel, Mexico! What a splendid way to begin a new year!

Last week, my daughter took me out for a “date”, just the two of us, like we used to do for Valentine’s when she was little. This was more for my birthday, and she took me out – but it was very special, and we hadn’t had time alone like that in a VERY long time. I think we will need to plan that more often.

I’ve been thinking about taking a trip with my son, just he and I, probably next year when he has some time off from school. I did that with my daughter when we went to New York during her Senior year in high school, but he never really got a trip like that. Next year there are no kids graduating so money should be easier to save, and I think he would enjoy a trip where it’s more about him!

Some other things that have happened since last July…well one of the biggest is that my divorce was finally settled and finalized! WOO HOO! I’d like to say it was a completely amicable event from start to finish – but I’ll just say that the divorce ended in a better place than it started. I’m glad to have that part of my life behind me and I look forward to focusing on building a brighter future with Al.

THE PAIN
But even in paradise, not everything is perfect all the time. I’d like to say that every aspect of my life is rosy and now that I’m out of a marriage that was unhealthy and unfulfilling, the universe has re-aligned and hate and bigotry, ignorance and intolerance have just melted away – but if I said that, you would probably have me locked up – and heavily medicated!

The element of this that hits me closest to home is my father. When he came down for my son’s graduation in 2007, he acted like a complete ass. This is no different than the man I’ve known him to be my entire life. But now his “assness” seemed to have more focus – more purpose. He let me know ahead of time he did not want any part of my “other” life and when he got here, he acted like Al did not exist and made it a very public point to pay for my ex-wife’s meals and for my kids – but not for mine or Al’s. I never said a word, but let his behavior speak for itself. Since then, he’s written me Christmas and Birthday cards and aside from tons of junk email, sent me maybe 2 emails in almost 2 years, and mentioned that he doesn’t hear from me often. At the risk of seriously going-off on the man, I’ve chosen to ignore his comment and just continue to thank him for his cards (addressed only to me) and his gifts (checks at Christmas and Birthdays).

What has irked me most is that he still tries to give me parenting advice! His last email advised me to do what’s best for my kids. As if I would do something OTHER than that? The issue I have is that HE never raised any children. He brought home a paycheck and let my mother do ALL of the child rearing. He watched television and went hunting and fishing, and IF we were to go fishing with him, we were not allowed to speak (or even whisper) because that would scare the fish. However – slaps to the head and our crying apparently had no effect on fish-fears whatsoever!

I’m very tempted to reply to his latest email and tell him that it’s not too late for him to follow his own advice. But then again, maybe it is… I have decided it is birthday and Christmas cards only for him from now on. Father’s Day cards are reserved from men who were actually Fathers – not just sperm donors and paycheck providers.

In the meantime, I’ll work on my attitude.
You work on loving everyone around you!

WOOF ya later!
~ bbw