November 10, 2006 marks two years for my boyfriend and I. As I reflect on the past 12 or ever 24 months, I see so many changes that have taken place in my life, and in the person I am. Even though some of those changes have been hard to endure, or hard to look at sometime - I believe that they are all good changes, and that I sit here today a better person, and a better man.
I certainly can't take credit for all of that. I've had the help of some very special people; namely, my family and my partner. Each of them, in their own unique ways, have encouraged me, supported me, tolerated me and loved me along the way. Many would probably think, and some have even voiced to me, that holding together my family, with my wife and children, and at the same time having a boyfriend, would be impossible. But I don't believe in the word impossible. I believe in possibilities. I love challenges, and believe me - there have been plenty of those. But it is precisely because of these challenges that I am able to look at my life with new eyes, and have new thoughts, and come up with new solutions to living a life "outside of the box" and different from what many consider "normal".
I walk around today feeling "blessed" more often than not. I have been able to let go of much of the pain and distrust associated with childhood abuses. It is not gone, and some days are worse than others, but I feel the anger that lives just beneath the surface, begin to ease and to ebb away. And on those days when I'm at my worst rather than my best, I have someone to hold my hand, or rub my back. Someone who understands and who helps me deal with whatever it is that faces me. How can I not feel blessed?!
The rough spots of the past year have had more to do with adjusting to a new way of looking at myself and a new way of looking at my relationships. In some cases I have had to let go of relationships that were false, shallow and not healthy for me. And in the case of my wife, I continue to learn about and deal with redefining our relationship, as we continue to love and support one another; encouraging each other to become the people we were meant to be. Each of us wants to live up to our full potential. Part of the difficulty comes with discovering what that potential may be.
I sit here in the wee hours of this morning, looking forward to the next 12 months. My mind holds wonder for what those months will bring. There is some trepidation, but it's almost like the feeling a child might have before Christmas morning. There is really not much fear that I will find a stocking stuffed with coal, but rather I'm excited about things I can't possibly even fathom yet. I know next year will hold both bad and good, as do all years, but I am so hopeful that the good will be great and the bad will be tolerable because I will not face those times alone.
I wrote a poem just a couple of days ago about being alone. I knew even then that it was one of my "bad" days. Those days are getting fewer and farther between and I am very thankful for that.
To my family I want to say "Thank you" for being so loving, accepting and understanding of my choices, my path and my life. I wouldn't be half as strong as I am today without you. I love you all so very deeply.
To my boyfriend, Al, I want to say "In you, I have found a soulmate, a partner, true honesty, pure love and a life I could not even have imagined!" I am blessed by you each day and you have proven to me that trust is not out of my reach. My love for you is endless.
To the world I want to offer encouragement to keep loving, keep forgiving, keep reaching for your passions so that you will stay inspired and motivated to live a complete and fulfilled life! Bless you all!
WOOF ya later!
~ bbw
Friday, November 10, 2006
Monday, November 06, 2006
11/06/2006 - HAZY MONDAY MORNING...
Ok, so you might think I got lazy by not posting my own thoughts here for a while, and maybe you are right. But sometimes my thoughts are so jumbled and so varied and coming at me constantly from every direction, that I can't line them up and process them in any logical manner that would translate to print. Actually, I spend most of my life like that. Some call it ADD. Some call it extreme distraction. I just know it as "my life". When I do get a train of thought that is somewhat logical and interesting enough for me to want to explore and perhaps share here - then I try to find the time and the words to do it. I also have told myself that I would like to improve my discipline of blogging more regularly - even if there is nothing remotely interesting to write about. So if it seems sometimes like I'm just rambling or thinking out loud (in cyberspace!) then I probably am. Read on or click out!
It was hazy this morning... actually really foggy before I got up. I only know because my boyfriend got up first and looked outside. He let me sleep in because he loves me. Our drive home last night from Arkansas was one of the worst I've ever made. The rain came down so hard and with the 18-wheelers passing - there were many times I could not see the road at all. I was driving blind praying I was not drifting into oncoming traffic. There was also no safe place to pull off the road. Needless to say, I kept our speed slow and we "crawled" home. When we arrived, my muscles ached from the tension. Some hot tea and relaxation helped me fall asleep finally.
Today I'm trying to catch up on work. I came in late but won't take a lunch - other than the few minutes it takes me to write this.
We had a great weekend in Eureka Springs. I had never been before, and I didn't get to see everything on our short visit, but I would like to go back again sometime. It was Diversity Weekend so there were a lot of gay, bi and supportive people visiting. We met some very nice people from all over and may even have gotten some work doing wedding photography for a woman and her fiancee'. My boyfriend also made some design contacts that may translate into some design work for him. It was a relaxing but productive weekend.
We helped my boyfriend's brother celebrate his 30th birthday with his partner and his best friend. That was a lot of fun too!
Now I find myself back in the office on Monday, with a full schedule ahead of me, and hazy skies outside. I'm very at peace with myself today, and ready to face what the day, the week and the future has in store for me.
I pray for peace for you all as well.
WOOF ya later!
~ bbw
It was hazy this morning... actually really foggy before I got up. I only know because my boyfriend got up first and looked outside. He let me sleep in because he loves me. Our drive home last night from Arkansas was one of the worst I've ever made. The rain came down so hard and with the 18-wheelers passing - there were many times I could not see the road at all. I was driving blind praying I was not drifting into oncoming traffic. There was also no safe place to pull off the road. Needless to say, I kept our speed slow and we "crawled" home. When we arrived, my muscles ached from the tension. Some hot tea and relaxation helped me fall asleep finally.
Today I'm trying to catch up on work. I came in late but won't take a lunch - other than the few minutes it takes me to write this.
We had a great weekend in Eureka Springs. I had never been before, and I didn't get to see everything on our short visit, but I would like to go back again sometime. It was Diversity Weekend so there were a lot of gay, bi and supportive people visiting. We met some very nice people from all over and may even have gotten some work doing wedding photography for a woman and her fiancee'. My boyfriend also made some design contacts that may translate into some design work for him. It was a relaxing but productive weekend.
We helped my boyfriend's brother celebrate his 30th birthday with his partner and his best friend. That was a lot of fun too!
Now I find myself back in the office on Monday, with a full schedule ahead of me, and hazy skies outside. I'm very at peace with myself today, and ready to face what the day, the week and the future has in store for me.
I pray for peace for you all as well.
WOOF ya later!
~ bbw
Thursday, November 02, 2006
11/02/2006 - OH, AMERICA...
This bears repeating…
We rarely get a chance to see another country's editorial about the USA. Read this excerpt from a Romanian Newspaper. The article was written by Mr. Cornel Nistorescu and published under the title "C"ntarea Americii, meaning "Ode To America") in the Romanian newspaper Evenime ntulzilei, translated as "The Daily Event" or "News of the Day."
~An Ode to America~
Why are Americans so united?
They would not resemble one another even if you painted them all one color!
They speak all the languages of the world and form an astonishing mixture of civilizations and religious beliefs.
Still, the American tragedy turned three hundred million people into a hand put on the heart.
Nobody rushed to accuse the White House, the army, or the secret service that they are only a bunch of losers.
Nobody rushed to empty their bank accounts.
Nobody rushed out onto the streets nearby to gape about.
Instead the Americans volunteered to donate blood and to give a helping hand.
After the first moments of panic, they raised their flag over the smoking ruins, putting on T-shirts, caps and ties in the colors of the national flag.
They placed flags on buildings and cars as if in every place and on every car a government official or the president was passing.
On every occasion, they started singing: "God Bless America!"
I watched the live broadcast and rerun after rerun for hours listening to the story of the guy who went down one hundred floors with a woman in a wheelchair without knowing who she was
Or, of the Californian hockey player, who gave his life fighting with the terrorist and prevented the plane from hitting a target that could have killed other hundreds or thousands of people.
How on earth were they able to respond united as one human being?
Imperceptibly, with every word and musical note, the memory of some turned into a modern myth of tragic heroes.
And with every phone call, millions and millions of dollars were put into a collection aimed at rewarding not a man or a family, but a spirit, which no money can buy.
What on earth can unite the Americans in such a way?
Their land?
Their history?
Their economic Power?
Money?
I tried for hours to find an answer, humming songs and murmuring phrases with the risk of sounding commonplace.
I thought things over, I reached but only one conclusion...
Only freedom can work such miracles.
Cornel Nistorescu
Sometimes It takes a person on the outside - looking in - to see what we take for granted!
GOD BLESS AMERICA!!
WOOF ya later!
~ bbw
We rarely get a chance to see another country's editorial about the USA. Read this excerpt from a Romanian Newspaper. The article was written by Mr. Cornel Nistorescu and published under the title "C"ntarea Americii, meaning "Ode To America") in the Romanian newspaper Evenime ntulzilei, translated as "The Daily Event" or "News of the Day."
~An Ode to America~
Why are Americans so united?
They would not resemble one another even if you painted them all one color!
They speak all the languages of the world and form an astonishing mixture of civilizations and religious beliefs.
Still, the American tragedy turned three hundred million people into a hand put on the heart.
Nobody rushed to accuse the White House, the army, or the secret service that they are only a bunch of losers.
Nobody rushed to empty their bank accounts.
Nobody rushed out onto the streets nearby to gape about.
Instead the Americans volunteered to donate blood and to give a helping hand.
After the first moments of panic, they raised their flag over the smoking ruins, putting on T-shirts, caps and ties in the colors of the national flag.
They placed flags on buildings and cars as if in every place and on every car a government official or the president was passing.
On every occasion, they started singing: "God Bless America!"
I watched the live broadcast and rerun after rerun for hours listening to the story of the guy who went down one hundred floors with a woman in a wheelchair without knowing who she was
Or, of the Californian hockey player, who gave his life fighting with the terrorist and prevented the plane from hitting a target that could have killed other hundreds or thousands of people.
How on earth were they able to respond united as one human being?
Imperceptibly, with every word and musical note, the memory of some turned into a modern myth of tragic heroes.
And with every phone call, millions and millions of dollars were put into a collection aimed at rewarding not a man or a family, but a spirit, which no money can buy.
What on earth can unite the Americans in such a way?
Their land?
Their history?
Their economic Power?
Money?
I tried for hours to find an answer, humming songs and murmuring phrases with the risk of sounding commonplace.
I thought things over, I reached but only one conclusion...
Only freedom can work such miracles.
Cornel Nistorescu
Sometimes It takes a person on the outside - looking in - to see what we take for granted!
GOD BLESS AMERICA!!
WOOF ya later!
~ bbw
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