I don't usually just write in the blog without something particular on my mind, but it's been TOO long since I've added an update, and I've been so buried in spreadsheets today at work that I have to take a break. So here I am...
It's Friday and that's a good thing! Nothing big planned for the weekend except possibly a trip to Hurricane Harbor with some friends. That place is always fun. Of course, I love the water.
My son is 17 and drove a car for the first time yesterday. He called his mom and told her it was the most harrowing experience of his life! I'm glad he is taking it seriously and we told him to hang in there, it was like that for us at his age too. :) It is scary to think of him driving though. I tease my daughter all the time that she's already hit everything in town. That is a slight exaggeration. My son is generally a more careful person. I hope that is also reflected in his driving skills.
Life for me has been good lately. My partner and I moved to a bigger place. It seems much more like "our place" even though I still live at home with my wife and kids too. I guess you can say I have two homes right now. I think sometimes living this way is more difficult than just moving out all at once but I take it as part of the "transition". As far as I can tell - everyone seems to be handling it well, although we all have our "tough" days too.
Being in my current position is hard to define. I'm not "between" partners - I'm in the middle of having "overlapping" partners... my wife and my boyfriend. I love and care for them both - and yet still have to find time for my kids and for myself. Some days it is harder to tell if the balance is working but I continue to try and do my best without getting too stressed over what others think and feel. That's the hard part for me.
I decided (again) this week that my life really shouldn't be based on what other's think or feel is right for me. I have come to that conclusion many times before but I always seem to migrate back to being a "pleaser" and whether I act on that impulse or not, the pressure to make others happy is always on me. I'm not sure what I want to do about it either - but I want the end result to be a healthy one for me.
I think this is all for today. I'm a bit stressed and need to go decompress. I think I'll take in a movie with my bf. Then perhaps go out and drink heavily (but responsibly!). I hope that all of the people close to me in this journey and in my life know that I love them, care for them and need them. I may not always be doing enough to get that message across. For that I can only hope for their understanding and mercy.
WOOF ya later!
- bbw
Friday, July 28, 2006
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